You may have noticed that CNN still employs Chris Cillizza, here is a list of a random number of reasons why, in supposably some order, maybe from worse to worser. So here we go.
38. It alway close to Christmas, or Easter, or Independence Day, Memorial day, Thanksgiving, Presidents' day or some such. And we can't very well fire him on Halloween.
37: Non-Trumpy white guys that aren't incoherent and fit in at the Christmas party because they have softish hands due to lack of work are really hard to find.
36: That funny guy from Elf won't work for us and the guy from Airplane is dead.
35. Jeannie Moos is a woman
34. CNN has a policy on funny. If it's better than dad joke, hit the road, Jack.
33. Random confusing sentence that is completely unclear.
32. Ted Turner got his mother pregnant in 1986, or something.
31. Or something again.
30. Sooner or later Wolf Blitzer is going to find that silver bullet with his name on it. They need a back-up.
29. You can't have all news all the time. That's a slogan, people. A slogan.
28. He's better than Rick Santorum.
27. Or something, etc., etc.
26. It's pretty certain he's too much of a doofus to rape anyone.
25. It's pretty certain he's too much of a doofus to sue CNN.
24. He is as edgy as a deflated tennis ball with all the felt intact, even if he is covered in Fido's drool and chew marks.
23. It's a pointless job, but someone's gotta do it. With apologies to Faith No More's first front man. Just because.
22. Ok, sure.
21. CNN is really, really bad at clickbait. Maybe because news is actually their business.
20. C'mon, man!
19. "We have Tapper, Lemon, Cuomo and John King. We have room for one guy who isn't like them".
18. Did I say quote, unquote?
17. His aunt was a dear friend on [name withheld, management].
16. Sure, whatever.
15. Management has no idea what is normal. They thought he was normal. Sometimes an organization just has to.clutch a straw.
14 Ladies and Gentlemen, the New York Times.
13. Hugo Chavez, I'm sure it's Hugo Chavez.
12 If we don't use the budget this year, they'll cut our budget next year.
11. So yeah, reduce efficiency.
10. Nincompoops are people too.
9. Did I mention Wolf Blitzer yet?
8. In case you didn't notice, Wolf Blitzer. Again.
7. He can wear a suit. And not even look like Boris Johnson wearing a suit. Or a crap flinging monkey wearing a suit. But I repeat myself.
6. There is no such thing as bigfoot.
5. Jeannie Moos is a still a woman.
4. He can spell well enough that an intern knows what he is talkimg about.
3. Or not.
2 Amy Winehouse, for some reason. Probably because Cillizza isn't cool enough to have heard of that obscure band 'Nirvana'.
1. Something, something, something.
The point? Hahahaha. Really?
