Our examination into Mitt Romney's religious upbringing and foundation brings us to 1978, when Mitt was 31 years old. He was already, one can assume, pretty well-formed in his views of society. It was 10 years after he slogged it out doing that rough Missionary Work living in a castle in France. And it was in 1978 when Mormons decided that the evidence had to be acknowledged... Blacks are Human Beings.
Well, they couldn't just change eternal doctrine, now could they? I mean, look at the way Black people have been described by Mormons throughout time.
This diary, short and sweet, is really dedicated to the six people who found no humor whatsoever, thank you, in the piece I wrote yesterday about how it's the "butt stuff" that male homophobes find so scary about "teh gey".
It is not an apology.
It's a suggestion.
Stop reading my stuff.
UPDATE: To clarify for Cinnamon's sake, this is not an indictment of all heterosexual men. I happen to BE a heterosexual man. A heterosexual teacher coerced me into becoming straight when I was just eight years old. I was permanently scarred by the experience of being told of the pleasures of heterosexuality. She never touched me or anything like that, but it was clear that SHE was a heterosexual and I admired her, so I decided then and there, this would be the lifestyle I chose. No, this is an indictment of STUPID heterosexual men who are either self-loathing closeted gays or believe that every gay man in the world wants to fuck him. I thought this was self-apparent throughout this satirical diary, but Cinnamon begs to differ and has slapped this diary with an HR to show her disapproval. Now that we are clear on the actual INTENT of the diarist, who uses satire to make his point (and not everyone "gets" satire, so apparently it has to be explained before it can be read), we begin.
My friends at Little Green Footballs step forward today with a compelling, scholarly article about why Conservatives fear gay marriage. If I may borrow a paragraph?
Could this be the correct explanation of the fear? Could it be that conservatives (subconsciously?) believe that if same-sex marriage were to become more accepted and hence more common, heterosexuals would actually begin converting their sexual orientation? Could conservatives really (subconsciously?) believe that gay sex is so much better than straight sex, or that switching one’s sexual preference is, at least for most people, as easy as switching brands? It sounds silly, but you do often hear conservatives fantasizing about gay folks - especially teachers - “recruiting” children who would otherwise be straight, as if changing or determining someone’s sexual orientation - even a child’s - were as easy as giving them the right sales pitch!
As usual, the good folks at LGF are on to something. But I say the reasons why Conservatives -- especially MALE conservatives -- have such dread of gay marriage are much more simple and selfish.
It's the "Butt Stuff."
(Allow me to explain after the leap.)
Well, you didn’t think conservatives were going to take “coiffergate” sitting down did you?
What’s the conservative response to Mitt Romney forming a gang of fellow prep school students to tackle and forcibly cut the hair of a presumed gay student while he cried, an incident that still haunts five of the six participants to this day (Romney can’t quite recall it, although he was the one with the scissors)?
You dig through Obama’s old writings and find something you can use to pin Obama as a bully as well.
That’s what Michelle Malkin‘s website “Twitchy” did. And morons across the right wing blogosphere are eating it with a spoon!
It's no secret that I have a bone to pick with the content generation algorithm disguising itself as a "legitimate news source", known as Examiner.com since I was fired for pointing out the fact that one could submit a poorly written shopping list with the proper tags and it would rise to the top of the headlines. So, with that fact to guide you, let's look at Spokane Conservative Examiner (that's what they call their writers -- "Examiners") and the very nice platform he provided for a discussion on the merits of murdering Mitt Romney to ensure the nomination for Ron Paul.
The Examiner’s Spokane Conservative Examiner quotes Rep. Allen West (R-FL) as saying liberals are the enemy who must be hunted down like Nazis.
West, who was forced to take early retirement from the Army after torturing a detainee, said this Saturday night (May 5) to conservatives at a Broward County Lincoln Day dinner in Fort Lauderdale.
Encouraging Republicans to “find the enemy and fight them wherever they are” like American paratroopers from the 101st and 82nd Airborne did the night before the D-day invasion, West said they “must be like sharks that smell blood in the water.”
“Ladies and gentlemen, you don’t win on defense. You win on offense,” he said.
That's not how they're framing it, of course. The meme is that "Obama knew about OBL's whereabouts since LAST SUMMER and REFUSED TO ACT until MAY!!!"
All across the Internet tubes today, Conservatives are chuckling and clucking over the shocking news that President Obama knew where Osama bin Laden was SINCE THE SUMMER OF 2010 and WAITED until MAY 2011 to DO anything about it.
Who told them this shocking bit of information? Retired Army Vice Chief of Staff Jack Keane. He was a special guest on the Huckabee Show yesterday on Fox News.
And the startling news this retired General revealed? Get ready to void your bowels in utter horror. After the jump.
(This may just end up being our final piece on "The Examiner." But follow to the end to see some good news about who I will be writing for starting tomorrow.)
This is not a "news story" in the strict sense of the word. This is not "satire" either. In newspaper parlance, an article of this nature would be called an "op-ed" -- a piece in which a writer offers his or her opinion on a news story or an issue facing the readership writ large.
In this piece, we will discuss a certain atmosphere of manufactured paranoia and freshly-constructed faux outrage we see across the conservative blogosphere. And we would be guilty of hypocrisy if we didn't take a moment to examine ourselves in the process.
But worry not. We will follow the rules as they were explained to us and allow the chips to fall where they may.
BUT IT'S NOT JUST A BUMPER STICKER!
This story first appeared on my Examiner.com page. BTW: The Toronto-based Digital Journal took down a story I wrote on this subject, saying it was inflammatory (despite the video proof) and closed my account. To the Canadian Suits that run DJ, thank you for revealing yourselves before I invested too much time or effort into you.
One must admit feeling a bit disheartened by this outpouring of public defense for Ted Nugent over his pedophilia and draft dodging.
Since these conservatives are generally the ones who wrap themselves in the American flag and have pictures of eagles and quotes mistakenly attributed to Thomas Jefferson on their blogs and Twitter pages, one might think that someone threatening to murder their President, then turning out to be a pedophile and a draft dodger would get their hackles up.
But, based on the comments we've received from our two stories on the subject, apparently not. That allows one to arrive at only one conclusion.
It's OK to be a pedophile and draft dodger as long as you threaten to murder Barack Obama.
Let's try it this way and see if we can get a front-pager interested in this topic.
If Courtney Love said she blew David Axelrod when she was 12, would the MSM find a second or two in their coverage to mention it?
If Michael Moore admitted to crapping and pissing himself for a month to avoid military service, do you suppose the MSM would make an issue of it?
If Ed Schultz or Cenk Ungar or Keith Olbermann or Lawrence O'Donnell or Bill Maher or Stephen Colbert or Jon Stewart admitted to an adult addiction to underaged girls, do you think that, just maybe, you'd hear a word or two about it on the MSM news coverage?
THEN WHY IN THE BLOODY BLUE HELL IS NOBODY TALKING ABOUT ROMNEY SUPPORTER TED "BRING 'EM YOUNG" NUGENT'S ADMISSION THAT HE IS A SERIAL PEDOPHILE????
(Cross posted on my Examiner.com column)
We never much cared for Ted Nugent. His music always struck us as pretentious and outrageous for the sake of being outrageous.
We were not surprised when he turned into the darling of the right wing. We agree with him about hunting rights. We agree with upholding the Second Amendment right to bear arms. But when he comes to calling for the murder of a sitting President of the United States, well sir, there we have to part company.
The Secret Service is planning to have a little chat with Mr. Nugent about his "If Obama is re-elected I will be dead or in jail by this time next year" remark. One wonders if the subject of Mr. Nugent's pedophilia will come up.
What? You didn't know?
(NOW WITH CORRECTED GRAPHIC!!!)
They can't even tell a decent, believable lie.
This latest creation of the Right Wing Noise Machine, this nonsense about "War on women: Obama White House paid women less than men in 2011" is not only laughable, it's insulting to anyone who can count to 11 without having to take off his shoes and socks to count on his toes.