FROM THE GREAT STATE OF FLORIDA
Since I don’t actually know any front-pagers to interview for Monday's normal Yes, We’re All Staring At You segment, I thought I’d provide a brief overview of some of the regular Kiddie Pool habitués for the splashers who are still wearing floaties. With tongue firmly in cheek, let us look first at:
Bill in Portland Maine, or as he likes to call himself, BiPM. Bill started out as a no-talent DJ in East Overshoe, OH, before to being rescued by his hunka hunka burnin’ love, Common Sense Mainer (I think the name says it all, don’t you?) and lured to the Great Northeast where he has lived literally by his wits for some years. From a small apartment in Portland, he ekes out a meager living writing (and I use that term loosely) a continuing stream of drivel that he tries to pass off as biting political satire. Poor, sad, confused little Billy. For financial support, he relies on the charity of numerous good Samaritans who feel strongly that writing this bad should not be allowed any broader audience, so they pay out of their own pockets to keep him shackled to dKos. If you too, feel that the world at large needs to remain protected from Bill’s gibberish, you can help by contributing HERE.
Commonmass, as he never tires of telling us, is a classically trained musician who spends far too much time playing with his organ. When he is not engaged in such solitary pursuits, he retreats to a small shack in a godforsaken area of Maine, accessible only by ox cart. At the “Rock,” his aptly named private hell-hole, his main activities seem to be chopping wood, eating local berries, and similar Bear Grylls-like enterprises, alternating with inviting single women up to spend some “quality time” in seclusion with him. This is likely a desperate attempt to resolve his confusion regarding his sexual identity. But just between you and me, he is as queer as a three-dollar bill, and these feeble attempts at a macho façade fool no one.
Grog, poor guy, suffers from a syndrome brought on by too much electronic drumming combined with too much time in unventilated rooms with PVC glue and acrylic paint. His neurons all but destroyed, he now lives in a fantasy world populated by teeny tiny orcs, chaos lords, archons, mages and militiamen. He emerges from his imaginary world occasionally to do useful things like rescue pooties and mow the graveyard across the street – which is mainly why we tolerate him here. Our hearts go out to his long-suffering wife, Mrs Grog.
Kestrel9000 has no life. He lives vicariously through dKos, posting, commenting, and generally making his presence felt everywhere on the site – including the dreaded OuterBlogs. Like most Kiddie Poolers, he is not quite all there, as evidenced by his obsession with the pint-sized feathered killing machines known as Kestrels. Hardly a day goes by that he doesn’t subject us splashers to a peek inside his curious little castle of carnage. Helpless little squeeees (and I’m talking adorable little field mice, geckos, and birdies) are frequently shown in living color, entrails trailing, blood oozing, their itsy-bitsy bodies mangled almost beyond recognition. Oh, the Hugh Manatee!
Loki is the official C & J pootie. He owns a person named Debbie whom he has trained to cater to his every need. The camera loves him, and he is by no means shy about seeking the limelight. One of the highlights of C& J is a daily photo of his gorgeous shimmering self doing what comes naturally. Recently Loki has taken on an apprentice, Rory. His accolate is still little more than a fledgling, fiery, fluffball, but under Loki’s expert tutelage, is already showing promise. He is destined for greatness, IMHO.
Space does not permit me to profile more than these few right now, but perhaps another time, I will be able to give you the inside scoop on Ed Tracy, Escapee, Mofembot, Behan, Rserven, CityLightsLover, NonnyO, Mayim, UkiOli, Foytc, Texmex, Legendmn, Actbriniel, RB608, and so many others who have called C & J “home” for so long. Until then:
Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]