Kirk Cameron is putting the Kirk Cameron back in Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas. Theoretically, it’s a documentary about how the origins of all Christmas traditions are based 100% on the Bible with zero pagan influence whatsoever, do you hear me you lying godless historians?! But here’s the kicker: even the evangelical fringe don’t belief that shit. It’s purely a Kirk Cameron thing—an ego-driven crusade to push his personal/delusional opinion of what human history ought to be (and therefore, ipso facto, is) on the evangelical masses.
Gosh, it must be really annoying for them to have a holier-than-thou, has-been TV heartthrob trying to shove his own personal Biblical interpretation down their throats. We can only imagine what that must be like.
According to Kirk, the Bible is the inspiration for Christmas trees and Dec. 25 is the actual day of Christ’s birth. Any insinuation otherwise is an attack on Christmas and the Christian faith itself. Which is weird, because it means even extremists like the Liberty Counsel (keepers of the “naughty or nice” list of retails who say “Happy Holidays”) and Sarah Palin (who is Sarah Palin) are fighting for the enemy.
“It’s important to know your roots. A lot of things we do today have pagan and pre-Christian origins,”says Mat Staver, founder and chairman of the Liberty Counsel.
“Does that mean Christians won the ‘war on Saturnalia’? You bet,” says Palin in her book Good Tidings and Great Joy.
I bet you didn’t realize that all you godless liberal whores are on the same side of the War on Christmas as Sister Sarah, did ya? Well, you are if you buy into Kirk Cameron’s reinterpretation of Palin’s reinterpretation of medieval Christianity’s reinterpretation of local religious traditions throughout Europe.
And woe be to anyone who questions the commercialism and gluttony of Christmas! In the Gospel of Kirk, even those things have Biblical origins and must be protected as sacred tradition!
(Details after the squiggle)