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Sun Apr 20, 2014 at 09:20 AM PDT

Armed Patriots Seize Downtown Denver

by jusjtim35

Reposted from justjim35 by Horace Boothroyd III

Denver, Colorado (FOX News)- This morning at 4:20 AM DEA agents attempted to raid a local Marijuana dispensary in downtown Denver Colorado. Only to be rebuffed by armed young men wearing knit skull caps with bloodshot eyes. When the three black vans rolled up to the front entrance windows on the second and third floor opened and long thin sniper rifle barrels poked forth as a cloud of smoke belched from the building. This was followed by several seconds of clicks pops and loud feedback before a slow voice blared forth from a megaphone.

"Chill right there, G-Man!" The languid speech hung in the air. The DEA agents froze looked up and immediately dove for cover. Wild laughter erupted from the open windows and several of the sniper rifles disappeared. One fell out the window and crashed to the ground. Its former owner could be seen holding his belly doubled over. "Dude, did you see them scramble? That was epic."

"Frank, the megaphone is still on," Another voice was heard.

"What? Oh... sorry, Tommy... Um... Yeah, G-Men this building is being protected by the 420 revolutionary guard. Your kind isn't welcome here." The first man continued to the now huddled, hidden agents below. "You can have our pot when you pry it from our cold dead hands."

Sounds of wild cheering followed by someone saying "pass the donuts" erupted from the building.

That scene played out about 12-hours ago on Easter Sunday in downtown Denver. Here at FOX news we are covering this patriotic people's uprising against the oppressive, tyrannical Executive branch of the federal government.

The Happy X 420 pot shop is accused of not having filed its quarterly tax payment and having marijuana of suspect origin on the premises. The DEA claims some of the pot may have been grown out of state even as far away as Mendocino County in California or even in Mexico. Transporting that pot across state lines makes it a federal offense and selling it would put the shop in violation of federal law. With the added violation of failure to make the tax payment, the shop became a target for the heavy hand of the federal government.

Here at FOX we called and asked what it would take to get a reporter into the building to interview these patriotic potheads and find out what caused them to take up arms and stand toe-to-toe to defend their right to toke up. After a few minutes of silence interspersed with some background laughter the leader, who identifies himself only as Mile High Kushmaster, told us the group would speak only to Megyn Kelly. "'Cuz she's HAWT, bro."

Within a few hours we had Megyn on the ground and using a smoke screen the group set up for us we managed to sneak her into the building. Below the cheese puff is a transcript of her interview with these easily distracted but nonetheless resolved young patriots.

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Reposted from JackpineRadical by lunachickie

Following Citizens United, the Supreme Court has now taken their second step forward in accomplishing a massive relaxation of the rules on political contributions. I applaud this trend, but fear that it doesn’t go nearly far enough in cleaning up the tangle of rules and regulations governing our electoral process. Therefore, I would like to propose some simple reforms to make government more responsive and efficient. My grand scheme is predicated on the well-documented fact that political outcomes are decided by money, and upon the apparent intention of the Supreme Court to accelerate this trend. The genius of plan I am about to propose is that it turns what is often perceived as a flaw or failure of the system into a virtue.

The first step in my plan is to permit unlimited contributions to politicians. Any politician will be allowed to take any amount of money from any source at any time.

Second, the cumbersome electoral apparatus will be junked. Instead, all political offices will be put up for bid. Anyone who wants to be a Senator, for example, will submit a bid of so many dollars for the job, and the job will be awarded to the highest bidder. Once in office, the politician will receive no salary; instead, each will be expected to support him/herself on a fee-for-service basis, by selling individual votes on proposed legislation, charging a substantial fee to introduce proposed legislation written by corporate lawyers, etc.

This plan is startling in its elegant simplicity and cost-effectiveness. It can be made to work at all levels of government, from the local city council to the Presidency. In a single stroke it converts the government from a financial drag on society into a center of profit. Furthermore, in the same stroke, it restores honesty to the system. No longer will politicians have to maintain a pretense of serving the interests of people without money. No longer will we be plagued with financial scandals. And no longer will the public need to be distracted from Nintendo, Nascar, celebrity news, and reality television by so-called “electoral politics.”

This general philosophical approach can be extended beyond the Executive and Legislative branches to the Judicial branch as well. The whole expensive edifice of the Court system, at all its levels, can be replaced by a simple system in which court decisions will be determined by a fair and honest bidding process. This can be made to work handily in both civil and criminal matters.

Civil decisions will be awarded to the higher bidder. No need for a jury.

If a poor person steals from a rich person, the rich person can pay to have the criminal convicted and punished. As a side benefit, I predict that our jail and prison systems would fall into disuse, at a great cost savings to society, as offended rich people opt to use cheaper means, such as fines, floggings, involuntary servitude, and hangings, to punish those who have offended against them. As a second side benefit, I predict that the whole apparatus of appellate courts could be eliminated--if a person can’t afford to buy a verdict in a lower court, they will also no doubt be too poor to buy an appellate decision.

The more I think about this system, the fewer flaws I can find in it.

Discuss

The second time this year a page set up by astroturf groups in order  to delude the voting public that a community supports their Hunger Games style form of governance has been taken over by progressives. As I say, we rule the internet.

Remeber that coke head yuppy friend you knew in college? You know, the one that always seemed 1/2 second behind everyone else. The one that was inheriting his father's toxic waste factory and told you with pride on how Daddy had all inspectors in his pocket. Well he grew up and now has been visiting your kids college.

 Scary isn't it?

To have someone with the morals of Limbaugh or Romney or Christie getting to influence your children without pushback. Through an organization funded for the express purpose of doing exactly that.

Wel they can get on campus and spout their Randian fairy tales in order to cover their actual loot and pollute agenda. But their dummy placeholder sites are fair game.

And today they lost a big battle.

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Sun Oct 13, 2013 at 07:30 AM PDT

The Story of Ted Cruz, Democratic Mole

by Glaze72

Reposted from Glaze72 by lunachickie

Once there was a plucky young lad who was born in Canada. Steeped in the gentle traditions of our friendly neighbor to the north, he wanted to bestow upon his adopted homeland the benefits of the land of his birth. A smart young lad, Ivy League schooled, a minority in a land where minorities were not always welcome, he wanted to bring the benefits of single-payer health care and a beer-intensive diet to his fellow man.

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Thu Oct 03, 2013 at 05:58 AM PDT

A Pressing Dilemma

by kharma

Reposted from kharma by kharma

My wife and I haven't really been getting along that well lately.  We kiss each other goodbye when we go off to work and have nice things to say to each other occasionally but at the end of the day, we just don't see eye to eye.  Last month I went on a spending spree with my new credit card, I bought drinks for my friends, a new super-cool lawn tractor (with PTO), a slightly used .40 caliber Smith & Wesson, even some new bad-ass wheels for my car.  My cards are pretty much maxed out now but she has two jobs and we make pretty good money between us.

Poll

Should my wife compromise?

2%1 votes
23%10 votes
21%9 votes
52%22 votes

| 42 votes | Vote | Results

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Reposted from jbou by jbou

To go fast, go alone; to go far, go with others. To go naked, remove your clothes. To go nuts, run and scream. NOW YOU ARE REALLY LIVING.

The cat from the Hang In There posters has been dead for decades, but probably that won't happen to you, so go ahead and HANG IN THERE!

Consciousness is a strange catalyst for the belief that existence is real.

Why hello there, reality, maybe later.

Poll

Rehydrate your wilted soul with the words spilling out of your subconscious.

25%9 votes
25%9 votes
50%18 votes

| 36 votes | Vote | Results

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Reposted from Something Fishy by lunachickie Editor's Note: martydd said it best: "Finally! Spam worth reading!!" -- lunachickie

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Thank you much for reading my happy letter.

Poll

I want the Happy Money Making Furry E-cig Penis Extender

30%50 votes
6%10 votes
63%105 votes

| 165 votes | Vote | Results

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Reposted from jbou by jbou

I still don't understand why when we defeat something we instigated in the first place we feel as tho we actually won something.

Love could be important as a collective but we tend to think our love is more important than their love and so that defeats the idea.

I think you have me confused with someone who still wants to be somebody.

You are irrelevant. Although, I'm sure no one has told you, because, well... you know.

Poll

Do you ever feel like you're just sitting on a giant ball with a ton of other ignorant fools flying through space like we're important?

8%6 votes
2%2 votes
60%42 votes
28%20 votes

| 70 votes | Vote | Results

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Reposted from jbou by jbou

The GOP is mad at CNN and NBC because of Hillary Clinton documentaries, and mad at A&E because of "arts" and SyFy because of "science."

Dennis the Menace 2013: Mr. Wilson looks forward to a relaxing round of golf. Dennis is selling 911 Truther DVDs outside the clubhouse.

I am always on the verge of breaking down mentally because I seem to constantly dwell on and examine what should be easily comprehended.

Not sure when my world became black and white. Doesn't fucking matter though, the colors told me nothing but lies.

Poll

You have to be a real fuck up to seek validation for your self destruction

6%3 votes
47%22 votes
45%21 votes

| 46 votes | Vote | Results

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Reposted from www.goblinbooks.com by Horace Boothroyd III

There's been a lot of crazy talk out there. Maybe it's got you concerned. We understand that: These new revelations about the NSA violating the law sure seem troubling. Even the head of that secret court that's supposed to keep them in check is worried they're out of control.


Deep down, you know we're spying on you. The only thing you don't know is how bad it is.

Well, stop worrying, okay? Your government values your privacy more than ever before. We are not going to destroy it. We're just going to hold it for you.

And believe us, right now we really need that stuff.

In 21st century America, privacy has become one of our most precious natural resources. That's why every time you lose some of it, be certain countless federal employees are working to collect it and squirrel it away so it can be used.

For every phone call we analyze, there's a legal memo about the Fourth Amendment that needs to get lost in a file. Each time we collect a piece of email, there's a civilian casualty to hide, or a Syrian operation to smother. The privacy you provide is never wasted. It goes to help lawyers, interrogators, and Special Forces people in those units that don't exist. We have targeted killings and other missions all over the world... and we must preserve that privacy to keep the whole thing running.

Sure, you're used to having it for yourself. But we can use it so much more effectively this way. We will maximize it, until this is the most private government in US history.

And you? There's always a role for you. After all, you're the public.

NOTE: Please read my blog, which is full of this sort of thing.

Discuss
Reposted from jbou by jbou

I drove by a treehouse with a sign saying “Girls Allowed.” I'm curious to see how the treehouse community handles this paradigm shift.

New study reports that scientists have discovered a way to simultaneously check and wreck oneself, bringing an end to decades of confusion.

I wish I had a guard bear. Nobody would think of robbing you unless they had a robbing bear to fight your guard bear.

Turns out Area 51 is just a giant warehouse holding 8 billion tinfoil hats.

Poll

Trust yourself. Be yourself. Go fuck yourself.

21%11 votes
7%4 votes
70%36 votes

| 51 votes | Vote | Results

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Reposted from detroitmechworks by detroitmechworks Editor's Note: Thought I'd start it off with a bang. A paranoid conspiracy theory... about the perpetuation of a paranoid conspiracy theory. ;) -- detroitmechworks

As usual, the Guardian publishes something, and the paranoid anti-NSA crowd rushes in to talk about it.

The fact remains that the Guardian has an agenda, which is of course to cast doubt upon the United States.  Therefore, ANYTHING that is published there needs to be vetted by at least 3 American news organizations before we should talk about it.  I mean, SURE, occasionally the New York Times will get lucky, but as we can see THIS sound clip, there is absolute proof they are NOT the best source.

(More Reasons that this is a Non-Story on the Flip)

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