Denver, Colorado (FOX News)- This morning at 4:20 AM DEA agents attempted to raid a local Marijuana dispensary in downtown Denver Colorado. Only to be rebuffed by armed young men wearing knit skull caps with bloodshot eyes. When the three black vans rolled up to the front entrance windows on the second and third floor opened and long thin sniper rifle barrels poked forth as a cloud of smoke belched from the building. This was followed by several seconds of clicks pops and loud feedback before a slow voice blared forth from a megaphone.
"Chill right there, G-Man!" The languid speech hung in the air. The DEA agents froze looked up and immediately dove for cover. Wild laughter erupted from the open windows and several of the sniper rifles disappeared. One fell out the window and crashed to the ground. Its former owner could be seen holding his belly doubled over. "Dude, did you see them scramble? That was epic."
"Frank, the megaphone is still on," Another voice was heard.
"What? Oh... sorry, Tommy... Um... Yeah, G-Men this building is being protected by the 420 revolutionary guard. Your kind isn't welcome here." The first man continued to the now huddled, hidden agents below. "You can have our pot when you pry it from our cold dead hands."
Sounds of wild cheering followed by someone saying "pass the donuts" erupted from the building.
That scene played out about 12-hours ago on Easter Sunday in downtown Denver. Here at FOX news we are covering this patriotic people's uprising against the oppressive, tyrannical Executive branch of the federal government.
The Happy X 420 pot shop is accused of not having filed its quarterly tax payment and having marijuana of suspect origin on the premises. The DEA claims some of the pot may have been grown out of state even as far away as Mendocino County in California or even in Mexico. Transporting that pot across state lines makes it a federal offense and selling it would put the shop in violation of federal law. With the added violation of failure to make the tax payment, the shop became a target for the heavy hand of the federal government.
Here at FOX we called and asked what it would take to get a reporter into the building to interview these patriotic potheads and find out what caused them to take up arms and stand toe-to-toe to defend their right to toke up. After a few minutes of silence interspersed with some background laughter the leader, who identifies himself only as Mile High Kushmaster, told us the group would speak only to Megyn Kelly. "'Cuz she's HAWT, bro."
Within a few hours we had Megyn on the ground and using a smoke screen the group set up for us we managed to sneak her into the building. Below the cheese puff is a transcript of her interview with these easily distracted but nonetheless resolved young patriots.