Let's go back to October of 2006 when it became known that Denny Hastert had inexplicably failed to act on numerous reports that GOP Rep. Mark Foley had been sexually harassing male House pages via IM and in other ways.
Foley's tawdry and despicable actions had been known to Hastert for months after repeated complaints to the Speaker from pages and even from Foley's fellow GOP House members, yet Hastert failed to act until transcripts of Foley's IMs were made public. (Foley used the IM handle, Maf54.) Why had Hastert been protecting Foley? It was a mystery.
I penned a humorous diary at the time that "exposed" lurid IM exchanges between Hastert and Foley during this time period:
It's a gross, but fun read. Here's the opening and a couple of sample "exchanges":
My source inside the White House sent me verbatim transcripts that the NSA surveillance program picked up of IMs between (now former) Congressman Mark Foley and Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert.In the comments section of that diary, gravitylove made this prescient observation:
According to my source, these conversations took place over the course of the past year while the NSA program was in place and before information on the program was leaked to the press.
[NOTE: These are vulgar and could make you ill.]
Read on for the transcripts...Maf54: what are you wearing?Foley and Hastert try IMing again on May 3, 2006:
Maf54: what's that?
Coach64: My hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh key is sticking.
Maf54: maybe you need some lubricant :)
Coach64: Whhhhhhhhhhhhat do you put on a keyboard? WD40?
Maf54: what are you wearing? wrestling tights?
Coach64: No. I have this girdle thhhhhing. It hhhhhelps my back.
Maf54: i'd like to slip that girdle off you
Coach64: I don't thhhhhhhhink so.
Maf54: why not?
Coach64: You'd get hhhhhit by my dunlap.
Coach64: My belly that dun lap over my belt.
Maf54: oh heh heh
Coach64: I've never done thhhhhhhhhhis instant messaging thhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhing.
Maf54: its cool
Coach64: Not doing muchhhhhhhh for me.
Maf54: how big is your thing? when its stiff?
Coach64: Shhit, thhhhhat's whhhhhy I wear thhhe back brace.
Maf54: wow! it must be huge!
Coach64: It's hhhhuge and getting hhhhhhhuger. It gets so stiff, I can hhhhhardly stand up.
Maf54: ooooo i like that!
Maf54: a lot
Coach64: Yeahh, I look like Quasimodo. It's thhhis thhhing on my upper back and it makes me look like a hhhhhhunchback. The doctor says it's just a cyst. But it gets real stiff and firm even thhhhoughhhhhhh it's some sort of fatty tissue.
Maf54: ugh i'm gonna be sick
Coach64: We hhhhhave the NSA surveillance vote tomorrow, so if you're going to be out sick, let me know so I can hhhave someone vote for you. We need every vote on thhat one.
Maf54: not literally sick
Maf54: sick because of the cyst fatty tissue thing
Coach64: Mrs. HHHHHHHHHHHHastert has to drain it once a week.
Maf54: now i am sick
Maf54: gotta run
Coach64: Okay. Bye.
Maf54: i'm in my boxers
Maf54: my boxers. i see you got your h key fixed
Coach64: Are you part of Don King's group?
Coach64: Your boxers. What weight classes?
Maf54: i'm sitting in my boxers
Coach64: I can't picture it. Do you mean, "Sitting AMONG my boxers?"
Maf54: whatever. are you hard? i am
Maf54: cool. real hard?
Coach64: Well when I was still coaching wrestling, they said I was REALLY hard.
Maf54: i'm touching it
Coach64: Some of the kids said I was sadistic.
Maf54: slap me!
Coach64: Wrestling coaches are a hard lot.
Maf54: i like wrestling and wrestling tights
Maf54: agree wrestling tights are amazing
Coach64: Here's amazing for you. I have had the same pair of glasses since 1979. Aviator wire-rims. That's amazing.
Maf54: you're killin my buzz
Coach64: Hey, someone told me today that you were sending dirty messages to some of the boy pages.
Maf54: dirty? like what?
Coach64: Stuff about their penises and such.
Maf54: would i do that?
Coach64: No. Sorry I brought it up.
Maf54: it's cool
Maf54: how big is yours?
Coach64: About 6'2".
Maf54: get out!
Coach64: Seriously. My page is about 6'2". And he's only an 11th grader.
Coach64: Got to run, Mrs. Hastert has to drain my cyst.
Coach64: Hey, send that hundred grand to the RNCC or we'll out you.
Coach64: Want to keep your committee assignments?
Maf54: the check will be there tomorrow
Coach64: Good night!
Hastert may have his own secretsNow we know why Hastert didn't act on Foley -- until he was absolutely forced to. They shared a special, secret hobby.
After all, he was a wrestling coach...
Maybe someone should search his hard drive. ;-)
by gravitylove on Fri Oct 06, 2006 at 08:53:17 AM CDT