When you think of me, I’d like you to think of someone who has slept on your couch. I’m the regular guy; Not my competitor. I am EXTREMELY normal and relatable. I mean, I wrestled with various of my sons. I have several quotes from my wife to testify to this fact.
Indeed, I am the average, joshing type. Please try to picture me with bedhead each time you see me. Eating muffin tops, or with a bowl of cereal, and the sound of everyday music made by the tinkling of my spoon against a bowl, over a background of soft padding and shuffling sounds from my slippers dancing over your parquet floor.
It is true that I sometimes say things that cause people to view me in more of a cyborg light. I’d like to request that these ejaculations be construed as endearingly quirky and authentic, rather than odd, inhuman and troubling. So, when I say or do things that no one else in the room, or country, would, please chalk those up to the positive interpretations I mentioned, plus maybe intrepid independence.
You may know some friends who, when things in the world become suddenly humorous, emit a pig-like snort. You also may jokingly refer to that person as a swine. But, you don’t continue to picture that person as a swine visually forever more. Similarly, I hope when I laugh in a way that is transparently artificial and exaggerated, to the point of causing discomfort in others, I hope you will strive to erase that mental image, and remember me without the laugh, in more of a legitimate human milieu.
Well, by now we are on such good terms after this little chat, I feel compelled to make a special offer to you. I would like to present you with the opportunity to refer to me as The Whammer. Yes, as you most assuredly surmised, it is a nickname based on my initials, WMR, and a double entendre referring to my tendency to wham things (in a positive way). You don’t have to use the definite article (the “the”), when employing this term; it is your choice.
Thanks a bunch! I can’t wait for breakfast;)
Your bud,
The Whammer
Eagle Breath
Fake Romney 2012 Campaign Coverage, from the dais to the dog.