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Wed Feb 04, 2009 at 09:39 AM PST

It Sucks Because You Do

by Grand Moff Texan

If you're wondering why the Democrats in Congress act like such nervous nellies, you need to take a look in the mirror.  If you had such skittish supporters, you'd be nervous, too.  The Republicans don't have that problem.  Their authoritarian culture, not to mention their alternate reality in which tax cuts = stimulus and torture yields useful information, guarantee a lockstep, zombie army.  

The Democrats, on the other hand, have you, which means they can't count on shit.  

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Mon Jan 26, 2009 at 09:30 AM PST

Children of a Terrorist God

by Grand Moff Texan

Let us prey.  

Far be it from me to criticize Israel.  I come home to find Israel has murdered another child just as I might come home to find my dog has shit on the rug.  I knew they were going to do that.  If I observe the sins of Israel aloud, don't take it as criticism, because any sin that I might lay at Israel's door could be piled against mine a thousand times over, because I am an American.  

And I do not mean in our distant past.  The blood of the ethnic cleaners and of the cleansed runs in my veins, my wife's, my child's.  But in our living present, our substance goes to subsidize murder and theft on a scale that would make a Netanyahu drool.  We are the authors of our antagonists and they are the excuse for our brutality.  America had al Qaeda to play Mordred to our Arthur, and Israel has Hamas.  

So when I tell you that the Holy Land is a fetid abattoir, understand:  I'm not blaming anyone.  Jerusalem is holy to the three greatest monotheistic religions, so the slaughter is inevitable.  That's what religion is, that's what religion does.  

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Simple question:  

If you could read one book again for the first time, what would it be?  

You know, you spot someone reading that book and suddenly you're telling a complete stranger how wonderful it is (as if they didn't know ... they're reading it), and how you wish you could hit yourself in the head with a rock hard enough to forget the whole thing, just so you could read it again, experience it as something entirely new.  

Yeah.  That book.  

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Yes, everything Obama does is OK.  Yes, I will attack anyone who criticizes our Lard and Savour, Barrack Obama.  Yes, I am a cult member, with no original thought of my own.  

Are you happy, now?  Can you go to RedState, now?  Or maybe start an analogous website where shit like this passes for analysis?  We could call it "BlueState."  Because dKOS doesn't need its own "Operation Leper."  That's how freepers operate, which is why they are a massive blog FAIL sandwich.  

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I've been enjoying reading Steve Benen's work, now that he's more or less taken over the Washington Monthly blog (and yes, Hilzoy does good work, too).  More links than Kevin!  More photogenic than Nate!

But if I'm making the correct forest out of Steve's well-tended trees, it looks like the American right has a personality problem, rather than just an electoral problem or an ideological problem.  Yes, they are increasingly locked out of government, and we could say that they need to find spokesmen who can deal with alarming policy concerns instead of just pretending that there's no problem.

But to who would go for that?

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Thu Nov 20, 2008 at 01:21 PM PST

Zogby Runs Away

by Grand Moff Texan

By his own admission, John Zogby's push-poll of 512 Obama voters yielded one of the biggest responses he's ever seen.  But for some reason, he doesn't want to repeat the experience.

John Ziegler, failed radio personality and full-time conspiracy theorist, offered to pay for an analogous test of McCain voters, but Zogby declined.

As they say, "heh."

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Wed Nov 12, 2008 at 01:10 PM PST

Boogey Man

by Grand Moff Texan

Much of what we saw last night in Frontline's "Boogey Man," a documentary about Lee Atwater's rise and fall as a Republican operative, was not new to a left-blogsphere audience.  We are already familiar with the "flag burning" story and the race-baiting because we've seen it in every election since then.  The talking points, in grainy twenty-year-old video, were utterly indistinguishable from the shit Republicans thought you were stupid enough to fall for only last week.  The Republicans are still using the same playbook.

So I'm not going to write about that.  

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Thu Nov 06, 2008 at 02:14 PM PST

Elections Have Consequences

by Grand Moff Texan

It's been funny, reading Republicans telling Democrats what they should do with the White House and expanding majorities in the House and Senate.  The losers are trying to tell the winners what to do with their victory, all while eating their own.  Republicans justify this by claiming that we all live in a conservative country, or as the recent zombie talking points have had it, a "center-right country."  

So, I went looking for this "center-right" country the Republicans keep talking about, and I found it.  You can see a picture of it here.  

Appalachia and the Ozarks?  Looks like the Republicans will be counting on an "Axis of Cletus," come 2012.  

2006 and 2008 have shown that the all-important "center" of American politics is progressive.  So I encourage the Republicans to keep thinking we're a "center-right" country, so that they may remain irrelevant.  

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Mon Oct 20, 2008 at 08:35 AM PDT

That Sleazy Little Man

by Grand Moff Texan

That sleazy little man is now on a charm offensive, a man with all the charm of a child molester.  That sleazy little man is groping America's privates with greasy lies in the dark.  When night falls on November 4th, Wolf Blitzer can show us the red spots on the electoral map where the bad man touched us.  

For a Republican, that's the sweet spot.  Fight through their defenses and, if you can just get a finger on it, you can take anything you want.  Infected, it seethes with a menagerie, or else a haunted house, where monkeys run for president, where babies rot on shelves, where a man pauses to whisper in a Democrat's ear before planting a bomb, where thieves warn about the end of capitalism, where our enemies have infiltrated the capitol, and where great coups from little acorns grow.  

This is why, when I see a Republican, I see a bigot, a fool, and a coward.

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For a while, I was watching the McCain campaign come apart.  Reporters, long-time associates, and even admirers of John McCain one by one declared they didn't recognize the man, or else that he couldn't be responsible for the dirty campaign he was running.  The McCain campaign flung mud just as fast as they could.  They pushed wild stories and couldn't get them to stick.  They got mad, they attacked the media.  

The McCain campaign even accused The Politico of being in the tank for Obama.  

And then: ACORN.  The right-wing lies about ACORN and "voter fraud" are the first time the McCain campaign got the mainstream media to run with a Big Lie.  CNNand the NYTare now pushing a false story for the Republicans, and they're going to get someone killed.  


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Let me put the Republicans' escalating attacks on ACORN in perspective for you:  

In the last sixteen years, the Republicans have either lost or stolen the White House.  There has not been a legitimate Republican president elected for twenty years.

For this reason, an entire generation of Republican politicians, campaign workers, operatives, and media proxies have grown up doing only two things:  a) delegitimizing a Democratic president, b) stealing an election for George W. Bush.  That's all they've done, so that's all they know how to do, so that's what we're up against.  

Since Friday, the Republicans have shifted from trying to use Ayers to win the election, to trying to use ACORN to deligitimize the election.  They have already given up on keeping the White House.  McCain doesn't even have a transition team in place.  

Instead, they have retreated to the next position from which they will try to cripple a White House they no longer hold.  

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We interrupt your steady diet of panic and process talk to bring you the following news from the outside world.  

On August 21st, something happened in Nawabad, Afghanistan.  Everyone but the Pentagon agrees:  US forces killed 92 civilians, including about 60 children.  The Pentagon insisted that its forces had attacked a Taliban meeting, killing 35 Taliban and seven civilians.  

Now that there is video of the slaughter, however, the Pentagon is reopening the investigation it just closed.  In doing so, the Pentagon revealed the name of their star witness, denying the massacre:  

Oliver North.  

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