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(a friend of mine wanted me to contribute a piece to his blog Adventure Savvy?!. This is my contribution. I should probably note that I have never been skydiving).

Are you dead on the inside, incapable of feeling anything that would make you remotely resemble leading a fulfilling existence? Perhaps through your mundane, day-to-day soul-crushing routine of menial first-world tribulations, you’ve somehow lost sight of what it means to truly enjoy life. The answer could very well be something as simple as taking an absolutely unnecessary life-threatening risk and paying your hard-earned money to do so!

Sure, you could say, rent a car and play chicken with a bullet train, or bicycle through traffic going the wrong way, or hang out with David Blaine, or order a large Papa John’s pizza- any of which could potentially kill you for pennies on the dollar- but no. You need to feel alive, dammit! You need something better and bigger, with more risk and more money spent!

Has anyone checked on David Blaine recently? I digress...


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Can we just put this one to rest? I'm getting seriously agitated with these "Ancient Alien" theories and TV shows and blogs that are trying to peddle the idea that humans could not possibly have built the pyramids, Stonehenge, Mexico City, etc. As a guy who executes blueprints, this kind of thing really insults me and drives me crazy. People weren't stupid 6,000 years ago. Okay? They were us.

This guy should never be taken seriously under any circumstance:

Yes, I blame the producers over at The "History" Chanel. What history? Space aliens didn't build the freakin' pyramids! That is not historic at all- that is dumb.

Did ancient space aliens build antiquity's most iconic landmarks?

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I wrote a letter to my over-privileged Southern California nephew last year when he went off to, what was was referred to in my day, as "Outdoor Ed." I grew up in the Rocky Mountains and to this day consider myself a proud Coloradan. I go back to visit regularly.  Read my letter below the orange hootis-chingadero and feel free to augment it in the comments section...


Camping with one's 6th grade classmates

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Mold. Not your friend.

So mold spores are these microbial bits that are around us every day- we breathe them every time we go outside, and in general they're perfectly harmless. Until they colonize inside your home, like the picture shown above. Then it becomes a problem.

When you get an area of your home with that much mold, it can cause respiratory problems, inflammation, allergic reactions, eye irritations, etc. It can make you pretty sick. There are quite a few different types of mold, none of which you want colonizing inside your home, but the one that is the most dangerous to people (especially infants and the elderly) is a variety of black mold called stachybotrys chartarum.

I've done many mold remediation jobs and I can tell you with some authority that the most common sources of mold colonization is leaks either in the dishwasher or refrigerator supply lines. It makes sense when you think about it: there's a slow drip, drip, drip style leak behind your refrigerator that takes months to notice. By the time you pull out the refrigerator, mold spores have had a long time to grow.

So what do you do? Orange hoopty-do to the rescue!

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As good liberals and America's actual patriots, I'm sure that anyone reading this has by now seen, or at least heard of, Ken (...head rolls back, begins snoring) BURNS! KEN BURNS' documentary "National Parks." Don't get me wrong. I am a huge fan of Ken Burns, even though some of his stuff is a little, shall we say dry? Anyway, if you haven't seen it, check it out- it's very good:

But I got this idea last time I was in a National Park... follow me below the orange scribble of "hey why don't we do this all ready" for more.


Schlock in our National Parks gift shops?

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I'm serious. Its bad. has officially pissed me off. They've gone after my auto mechanic. That doesn't sit well with me at all. Yelp uses extortion tactics against small businesses and they've now made it personal.

More below the orange hoopty-do of "you don't fuck with my mechanic..."

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This is really troubling to me. has screwed a guy that I've known for almost ten years. It's extortion and the spotlight needs to be shone into the mafia-like tactics of yelp.

I'll make this short, but this is the tip of the iceberg with yelp...

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We've been having this debate in this country for as long as I've been alive (1978, for those of you keeping track). And I can't see this ending anytime soon. These guys just keep rehashing the same crap they've been throwing around for at least thirty years. But what they say and what they do are two completely different animals...

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Fri Mar 29, 2013 at 08:57 AM PDT

Rick Perry, Patriot

by jared the bassplayer

Yeah, I know that this is old news, but I figured I'd add my two cents.

Remember when Rick Perry (R, N*ggerhead Ranch) tried to lure businesses from California to Texas? That really burned my ass. Of course, his idiotic publicity stunt didn't work, but it did manage to piss me off, personally and probably did the same for almost everyone else in the USA's most populous state.

This was one of the dumbest moves I've seen a Republican do since the Bush administration decided that the best way to stimulate the economy and stave off a near catastrophic recession was to give every tax payer $300. Remember that?

My closing arguments below the orange hoopty-do...

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I haven't seen a diary on this yet, so I figured I'd post one. If I missed one, I apologize.

2013 is being billed as the "Year Of The Comets." The really bright one will light up our skies this coming November, but the first of the two, Pan-STARRS, is all ready here. Star-gazers in the Southern hemisphere have been taking some pretty incredible pictures of it. But tonight, it makes its debut in the Northern hemisphere. Follow me below the orange hoopty-do of astronomic coolness for more:

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Tue Feb 19, 2013 at 09:27 PM PST

op-ed: Little dogs suck!

by jared the bassplayer

I'm kind of on a roll today and I have some time to kill, so I figured I'd go ahead and offend people who own little dogs.

But seriously, little arf-arf dogs suck. Follow me below the orange squiggly cloud of offensiveness for more...

See? Not cute.


Little lap dogs?

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Yep, being an apartment dweller has its advantages- like when something breaks, I just call the manager and it gets fixed. That's pretty cool. But, no equity, no back yard. If I did have a back yard (and maybe someday I will), I'd set up an aquaponics system. Its a really cool idea that is actually starting to really take off in Australia. If you don't know about it, here's an Aussie trying to explain:

I'll try to break it down after the orange hoopdy-do of awesome, self-sustaining organic agriculture!

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