A Modest Proposal for Dean Cannon
(Inspired by the writings of Jonathan Swift)
FOR PREVENTING THE TERMS OF AND RELATING TO GENITALIA OF THE HUMAN BODY FROM BEING A BURDEN TO THE LEGISLATURE OF FLORIDA OR THEIR COUNTRY, AND THE USE OF SUCH TERMS IN THE PUBLIC
It is a melancholy sound to those of the great state of Florida, when ones senses and minds are apprehended by the audible projection of words pertaining to, the sexual organs of man and woman. Instead of overseeing economic affairs of the state, given that such endeavors are disposed to the attainment of wealth, the agglomeration are to address these interruptions, particularly when they are spoken by a Democratic representative.
I have been assured by a young Floridian student of my acquaintance that said terms are an equal distraction from their education, abducting study habits from opportunity. We share a state of agreement that "cooties" would be included by reason, for the context hath imply a specific sex.
Should these discordant terms not withstand, then higher learning of the sexes be promptly nullified, for the subject matter is thenceforth deemed illegal, dissolving in part the burden of educational funding. Appointees may entitle themselves to a further raise in salary without quarrel, in respect that it was their administration which bestowed the law.
The dampening of that relating to the human genitalia from virgin ears alike, is a reasonable measure of the public interest, else they grow up to be beggars and thieves, inflating the states crime rates and costs to public representation. Forestallment of exposing our states youths with conscientious understanding of their own bodies may therefore avert prepubescent children from roaming with the intent of participating in the incessant act of copulation in public domains.
I am assured by merchants and economists for these further speculations; the removal of selective medical professions and gynecological facilities, or that any service which resembles both or either of these, be lifted from operation. There is seldom a man of business who can say that such a decree would not lessen inflated costs of health related services.
Yet by these guidelines there are exceptions; terms of proper nouns, like Koch for example, needs not apply the order of penalty, lest it be used in jest. And that a final commandment be the article in which you hold in your palms at this very moment be disposed for it offends the law it bids to enact; I do therefore humbly offer this proposition.
~ Leaflet
