I dreamed I was Hunter Biden's Laptop

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Monday November 02, 2020 · 6:03 PM PST

2020/11/02 · 18:03

I awoke before dawn this morning dreaming that I was Hunter Biden’s laptop. I was afraid to cross the street, however, even at a designated crosswalk, because there were so many fake Hunter Biden laptops whizzing by at dangerous speeds.

I knew I was the authentic Hunter Biden laptop, though, because I found a text on my phone from Cecil B. DeMille, offering to make an epic of my life. I messaged him back, saying, “Get in line. Coppola already offered me Brando and both Ford and Huston said Wayne wants to do it. Even better, Wilder says Marilyn read me and told him it’s the chance of a lifetime. Paramount even volunteered Jimmy Stewart, but I spent most of my time weighing Manny and Mo’s generous offer against my final first choice, Groucho.

Impeach the Whole Cabinet--One by One

notjonathon

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Tuesday September 22, 2020 · 7:40 AM PDT

2020/09/22 · 07:40

If the Senate must take up impeachment hearings before any other business, then the House should immediately bring impeachment charges against Donald Trump for the high crime of condemning 200,000 people (and still counting) to early death.

Next, impeach Bill Barr for politicizing the Department of Justice.

Then, impeach Betsy DeVos for violating Title IX or for any other violations of law committed by her Department of Obfuscation.

And Mike Esper, for whatever it was, I can’t remember at the moment, but I do remember it was something egregious that would have made me angry if I weren’t so numb.

Rick Perry, for gutting environmental protections.

Ben Carson, for violating fair housing laws.

Steve Mnuchin (I always seem to write “Munchkin” instead) for graft.

Be creative with the rest—I’m sure each member of this Cabinet has violated the Hatch Act at the least, and all have violated their oath of office to uphold the Constitution by continuing to serve in this maladministration.

Heaven will never be the same--Thank you, Fats

notjonathon

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Wednesday October 25, 2017 · 6:20 PM PDT

2017/10/25 · 18:20

God said, “That you, Fats?”

Fats said, “Yes, it's me, and I'm in love again."

He’ll be rockin’ and rollin’ around heaven all day.

Shoot the messenger: intelligence contractor charged in Russia probe leak

notjonathon

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Monday June 05, 2017 · 7:43 PM PDT

2017/06/05 · 19:43

According to the New York Times, an employee of a private intelligence contractor has been charged with leaking classified information:

WASHINGTON — An intelligence contractor was charged with sending a classified report about Russia’s interference in the 2016 election to the news media, the Justice Department announced Monday, the first criminal leak case under President Trump.

The case showed the department’s willingness to crack down on leaks, as Mr. Trump has called for in complaining that they are undermining his administration. His grievances have contributed to a sometimes tense relationship with the intelligence agencies he now oversees.

The Trump (In)Justice Department sure knows what’s important. Certainly not the fact that the Russian government hacked into VR Systems, but that someone had the temerity to reveal it.

Disgusting.

DT wants to change the "archaic" Constitution

notjonathon

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Monday May 01, 2017 · 3:20 AM PDT

2017/05/01 · 03:20

Well, lookee here.

Republicanism at its finest:

The Constitution? It's so last year

When the ‘ittle boy doesn’t get his way, he’ll hold his breath until he turns purple, and if that doesn’t work, he’ll throw a tantrum:

In an interview with Fox News to mark the milestone, the Republican called the system of checks and balances on power “archaic”.

“It’s a very rough system,” he said. “It’s an archaic system … It’s really a bad thing for the country.”

Despair looks like up to me.

WHY ARE SO MANY ANTI-BERNIE HEADLINES WRITTEN IN ALL CAPS?

notjonathon

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Tuesday May 31, 2016 · 6:14 PM PDT

2016/05/31 · 18:14

It’s in the bag, right? It’s over, a done deal, handwriting’s on the wall, clinched, in the refrigerator, Jello’s jiggling, butter’s gettin’ hard (late great Chick Hearn). So why get so excited? Don’t you know that using ALL CAPS IS A SIGN OF DESPERATION?

So now that the nomination is all sewn up, it’s all over but the shouting—well, let the other side do the shouting. It’s time for you to relax, Jack, be cool, fool. Didn’t your mother teach you not to taunt, to be magnanimous in victory? You won, fair and square, you say, and so there’s no need to be mean. Leave the fainting couch at home—OH, THEY WERE SO RUDE TO ME!

With victory in hand, what need for piling on? Or are you still worried that something may go wrong? What is this longing to CRUSH THE ENEMY?

You still need them, you know, and SHOUTING IN THEIR EARS IS ABOUT THE STUPIDEST DAMN THING YOU CAN DO!

So chill, Phil, make nice, Alice. It’s the politic thing to do.

Here's how to report on Gravitational Waves

notjonathon

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Thursday February 11, 2016 · 6:11 PM PST

2016/02/11 · 18:11

Here’s the banner headline in my local paper in Japan this morning (of course, it’s still yesterday over there):

For those few of you who can’t read Japanese, it says: GRAVITATIONAL WAVES DISCOVERED—A WORLD’S FIRST

Subheads: American University Team; Closing in Origins of Universe; Einstein Prediction

The story comes complete with illustrations and photos of the LIGO sites.

It outranks the story below, about North Korea, about which there is generally even more hysteria than in the US (good subject for another diary).

It outranks the story about the rising value of the Yen.

Okayama is a medium-sized city in western Japan.

Top story on Des Moines Register website: Ankeny schools biting down on Valentine’s Day treats.

This newspaper is quite conservative, as are most establishment media. Nevertheless, it has chosen (for this date, anyway) aspiration over fear, the cosmos over the economy.

Conservative or not, it is clearly not anti-science.

The relevance for DKOS readers? Which party in the US is anti-science?

Of course, kudos to the Caltech/MIT scientists and to all the physicists and engineers (over the world) who have contributed to this project. For a seventy-four year old curmudgeon like me, with thinning hair, a thyroid condition and a mean jump shot (but not running for President), this is the kind of discovery that makes me want to live another thirty years just to see what the future brings, and a great antidote to the daily despair that overwhelms me when I look at the state of a) the environment, b) politics, c) big money, d) TPP, TTIP, etc.

Drug testing Republican Candidates

notjonathon

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Thursday October 08, 2015 · 8:08 PM PDT

2015/10/08 · 20:08

By way of preface, I'd like to suggest that we should test for drugs all the Republican candidates for every office, and if any of them are found to be drug free, they should immediately be disqualified, for they lack any excuse for their insanity.

However, the focus of this diary is the cadre of Presidential hopefuls. Follow me past the 18th-century signature to have a look at the possible drugs of choice for some of them:

notjonathon

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Thursday July 26, 2012 · 5:48 PM PDT

2012/07/26 · 17:48

Or perhaps Willard the Whiter? Read More

The Cayman Connection-Is it even worse?

notjonathon

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Monday July 09, 2012 · 7:34 PM PDT

2012/07/09 · 19:34

They call the Cayman Islands, once known, when known at all, for the ferocity of its mosquitos, a "Tax Haven." It is. But that's not all it is. It's also a laundromat. Dirty money flows in, is washed, rinsed and tumble-dried until it emerges all clean and shiny, "investment capital" for cash-hungry hedge funds.

notjonathon

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Tuesday June 10, 2008 · 7:23 AM PDT

2008/06/10 · 07:23

It's now Tuesday night in Asia. At this moment, a million South Koreans are holding a candlelight vigil in Seoul to protest the importation of US beef. This is but another example of the heavy-handed and stupid foreign policy of this administration.

The failure to test American cattle for Bovine Spongiform Encephalitis, or Mad Cow disease, is at the heart of America's agricultural export problems in Asia.

American exporters want to test their cattle before exporting them. Why don't they?

Poll

41 votes Show Results

Should the US test its beef supply for BSE?

41 votes Vote Now!

Should the US test its beef supply for BSE?

Yes, if only to assure other nations.

4 votes

Yes, but only for export.

0 votes

Yes. I want a food supply free of BSE.

35 votes

No, it's not necessary because so few cows are infected anyway.

0 votes

No, because we can trust the FDA.

0 votes

No, because our country has so many other problems I don't worry about this one.

2 votes

Hot News--God Wins Super Bowl!

notjonathon

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Sunday February 04, 2007 · 7:53 PM PST

2007/02/04 · 19:53

It must be so. The owner (or was it the general manager) said so, on national TV. So did the coach. Let's face it: without God's intervention, Tony Dungy, Peyton Manning, et al would never have had a chance against the godless Chicago Bears. For who could ever imagine that god would favor the Windy City when He could have a chance to bless Indianapolis instead ("if God didn't make no little green apples, and it don't rain in Indianapolis in the summertime"). Of course, god can be a bit petulant sometimes, for He also wanted the team to experience a little adversity--that's why he had Chicago's Devin Hester score a TD on the opening kickoff.

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