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"DOOMED!"

"Termite, things are DESPERATE!"

"WE ARE GETTING ANNIHILATED!"

You have to hand it to the DCCC. They were right all along.

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15 days ago, I was home sick from work when I got a call from a friend. She told me that our mutual friends Larry and Denise had been stabbed to death in their home in Pasadena.

Larry was a chef and a teacher. Denise was a retired music teacher. They were wonderful people, full of boundless generosity. That generosity compelled them to take in a distant cousin who had messed up his life, and not only give him a place to lay his head but get him a job (which he promptly lost). Just after 6am on that Monday morning, he attacked his hosts with (cruel irony of all cruel ironies) Larry's kitchen knife. Larry called 911 after his cousin fled, and gave his name to police, who arrested the bloody suspect on the street outside.

Denise died in the ambulance en route to the hospital. Larry died in surgery.

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Apologies to Rei, whose Bárðarbunga diary series is simply the most captivating serial content this site has ever seen, but I had to post this.

Please enjoy this footage of the Iceland eruption as seen from a drone's eye view.

Spectacular. Just incredible.

Discuss

Never Forget

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Tue Sep 09, 2014 at 03:10 PM PDT

$ MONEY $ -- Still Not Speech

by The Termite

There are some arguments that are so absurd on their face that the simple act of rebutting them rationally makes you feel a little dumber than you were when you started.

"If humans evolved from monkeys, then there wouldn't be any more monkeys."

"Government spending doesn't create jobs."

"Barack Obama's parents planted his birth announcement."

These are all preposterous statements. They are the kinds of assertions made by people who grew up on a diet of paint chips, mint paste, and quarry chub. When we hear them, we know we're in the company of someone truly special--someone capable of living with one foot in this Newtonian reality and the other foot in an alternate dimension entirely. We know not to trust such people with our children, or heavy machinery, or governments.

Wait, no, strike that last one. Apparently we do entrust our government to such people, as evidenced by the fact that 5 of 9 Supreme Court justices asserted earlier this year that in fact money is speech, and as such, campaign contributions are protected under the First Amendment.

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Thu Aug 21, 2014 at 03:49 PM PDT

Things Sources Say

by The Termite

This just in: Sources say I am a handsome man.

Sources -- well-connected sources close to the investigation -- say that I am a lot of fun at parties.

Sources who asked to remain anonymous say that I am extremely well endowed, and that I know how to use it.

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Mon Aug 11, 2014 at 11:59 AM PDT

A Day in the Life of John McCain

by The Termite

6:00 am, Thursday

The CD player in John McCain's alarm clock comes alive with "Ride of the Valkyries."

McCain stands, trips over the clock's power cord, and crumples to the floor, fumbling on the way down for an ejection handle that only exists in the nightmare from which he has emerged.

"Ghostrider, this is Maverick, I'm hit, I'm down!" he exclaims, to no one there.

"Again."

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Thu Jul 31, 2014 at 03:16 PM PDT

Psst, hey, Feds...

by The Termite

The guy you couldn't arrest on his ranch is planning a road trip:

ST. GEORGE – Cliven Bundy, the Nevada rancher at the center of a controversial standoff between federal agents and states’ rights supporters earlier this year, will be speaking at the Independent American Party’s summit in St. George Saturday.

The 67-year-old Bunkerville, Nevada, resident has become a hero to some and a villain to others for the events surrounding the April 12 showdown between the Bureau of Land Management and Bundy supporters that included armed militia. Despite heightening tensions between both sides, ultimately no shots were fired and no one was injured.

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Yes, I know that the Koch Brothers have a history, albeit distant, of supporting the Libertarian Party.

Yes, I know that the Koch Brothers are voraciously anti-regulation when it suits them.

Yes, I know that many people here call them libertarians.

But they are not libertarians.

Why?

Because a libertarian doesn't do this.

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Mon Jun 23, 2014 at 04:57 PM PDT

Molon Labe ("Come And Take Them")

by The Termite

If by chance your Monday was going too well, check out Rick Perlstein's piece in Salon on the gathering storm of American open carry gun culture and armed paranoia. Anybody who believes this problem is going to get better all by itself is deluded.

Perlstein's thesis:

When legitimately constituted state authority stands down in the face of armed threats, the very foundation of the republic is in danger. And yet that is exactly what happened at Cliven Bundy’s Nevada ranch this spring.
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Hahaha, no, I'm just kidding. Only the first part of that title is true:

The Carbon County Commission has approved a resolution pertaining to the balance and distribution of jurisdictional power between the county and the government of the United States.

 Resolution 2014-3 was passed at the regular commission meeting on Wednesday, June 5th. It gives the Federal Government notice that the county will exercise its rights to enforce laws, and maintain its rights to access and travel. The resolution asserts that planning and zoning authority for all lands within its borders is an exclusive right of Carbon County. It further declares that Carbon County will continue to support efforts to gain local control of public lands, and demands that the Federal Government dispose and convey all right, title and interest thereto to the State of Utah.

The resolution was spearheaded by County Public Lands Director, and Roads, Access and Safety Administrator Rex Sacco, with legal counsel from Deputy County Attorney Christian Bryner.

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Meanwhile back at Deadbeat Ranch, Cliven Bundy went on the radio to ostensibly query local sheriff candidates, who had come a-courting his endorsement.

Let me back up. There are candidates for elected office who actually covet Cliven Bundy's endorsement. I can only presume this is because Jeffrey Dahmer was beaten to death in his jail cell 20 odd years ago. But I digress.

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