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Tue Jul 27, 2010 at 07:43 AM PDT

Paliwocky

by zeiben

Twas Wassilig, and the emptious twirk
did spouff and mimble on the wane
all bigotty were her twitterimes
and her logity unsane

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According to an unnamed source familiar with Timothy Geithner's movie preferences, the Treasury Secretary plans to push hard for US adoption of the Toonie, a 2-dollar coin popular in Canada.

"He watches a lot of Judd Apatow movies," said the source, and according to an unnamed blogger at Huffington Post, those movies employ Canadian-born actors, like "that chubby guy" the source said.

Of course, now that I think about it, it might have been the huffpo blogger who said that, I'm not sure. Whatever the case, the reference to the "chubby guy" was made off the record by someone unnamed... and possibly chubby... by which I mean he was possibly a little fat... his name wasn't "Chubby"... he has no name... I mean, of course he has a name, but he's anonymous, and his name isn't "Chubby".

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Wed Feb 10, 2010 at 11:03 AM PST

I got your outrage right here, Arianna

by zeiben

This'll be long

What. The. F*CK?

I get that traditional print media is dead or dying. I get that we're somehow expected to pay $500 for an e-reader and another $100 a year or so for subscriptions to "quality" journalism. And I get that the "free" online model is driven by CPMs, clickthrough, and a whole host of metrics that I'll never understand but that ultimately mean I have to wade through a clunky, barely functional, ad-laden crapfest to get to even a nugget of sensible reporting.

But does that also mean I have to be treated to this?:
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Sat Dec 19, 2009 at 12:16 PM PST

I welcome Mandates and Fines

by zeiben

There's been a lot of whinging on this site about the current senate HC bill and its mandate that we all buy insurance or be forced to pay a fine.

Some have called it a bailout of the insurance industry, which is nonsense, because you can't call it a bailout if the recipients are already sleeping on giant bricks of cash. Some have railed against it as unconstitutional, and some have gone so far as to say that they won't buy insurance and Obama will have to personally come and throw them in jail.

Whatever. personally, I welcome the mandate, and I look forward to getting fined by the government. Just so long as we make a couple of adjustments....

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Fri Nov 20, 2009 at 07:23 AM PST

Bow. Wow.

by zeiben

For a whole day, all anyone in the news could talk about was a big empty bag of air, floating around the country side, promising an exciting and heroic story, but delivering instead the insane ramblings of a shameless attention whore and one of the world's worst parents.

And yet you'd have thought they'd learned their lesson from that balloon boy thing a few weeks ago.

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Fri May 29, 2009 at 12:27 PM PDT

WTF, MSNBC? I got kids here!

by zeiben

I'm one of those earth-hating hypocrite liberals who talks a good game about saving the environment but who doesn't have the self-discipline to turn off a TV when I leave the room. I mean, yeah, I have the curly light bulbs that use 1/4th the energy, but I leave them on 10x as much, so it's not really a win for mother earth.

It's something I'm working on, but honestly, my energy-saving consciousness has a long way to go. In the meantime, however, my child-protective consciousness is right where it should be. I carefully regulate what my 8-year old watches on TV, and my wife and I haven't used a curse word throughout the entire Bush administration (OK, that last sentence is only half true).

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Tue May 26, 2009 at 07:16 PM PDT

"Douchebag"

by zeiben

As a 30-something with clients, a wife and a young daughter, I understand that "Douchebag" is a word that really can only be enjoyed in certain company, and that, to the bulk of polite society, hearing this word is like being hit in the face with frozen feces. It's sort of shocks you at first and you're not sure why. But then, as it thaws around you, you're left thinking, "Really? did he really just use that word? Right here at prayer group?"

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Sat May 16, 2009 at 11:37 AM PDT

Cheney V. Twitter

by zeiben

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RichardBruceCheney Dear Twitter,

I am writing to you, via your own communications service, to express a number of concerns pertaining to the conduct of a numb
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RichardBruceCheney Dear Twitter,

Let me begin my noting that your service deleted most of my previous missive. I am willing to dismiss this as a simple comput
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It's been a few months now since John Stewart's face-off with CNBC's Jim Cramer. We've moved on, of course, but that interview remains one of the best modern examples of a journalist effectively exposing and dressing down an industry whose disregard for professional obligation bore a heavy cost for real Americans.

The issues with CNBC, the lack of serious analysis, the cozying up with corporations, were obviously the main story there, but in addressing Cramer specifically, that interview touched on another serious issue, a problem that seems increasingly endemic in all sorts of journalistic media as it transitions from its cable and print incarnations to this more interactive world we have here - ego.

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Sun May 10, 2009 at 10:55 AM PDT

Confessions of an A-thletist

by zeiben

I am an English-speaking, heterosexual healthy white male in his 30's. Aside from being born in another country and being ineligible to run for president, the country is my oyster. Cabs stop for me when I hail them, I get paid what I'm worth (sort of), I get fair treatment from the police. I can legally marry anyone I care to (if they'll have me, and as long as I get a divorce from my current wife first).

And yet, I am in a minority. A minority that excludes me from the halls of power and alienates me from the polite company of huge swaths of society, that is, unless I am willing swallow my pride and pretend to care about and believe in something that, to the depths of my core, I do not and can not ever imagine accepting.

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Wed May 06, 2009 at 07:41 AM PDT

LOL, Obama's ignorant

by zeiben

So I'm sure it was refreshing for republicans, because we know how much they enjoy Countdown with Keith Olbermann, to see our President make the worst persons list yesterday, along with Michelle My-MILFiness-barely-masks-my-lunacy Bachmann and Laura Ingraham.

Now I don't usually get peeved at healthy Obama-bashing by people on our side, but this one struck a note...

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Dear Mr. Dimon,

This letter is in reference to your checking account at JP Morgan Chase Bank. Please read the terms carefully, as important changes have been made to the fee structure. The revised terms are as follows:

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