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View Diary: Rick Santorum wants to take away your contraception to ensure sex for procreation only (286 comments)

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  •  RED FLAG words: "Supposed to" ... "should" ... (9+ / 0-)
    It's not okay because it's a license to do things in the sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be. They're supposed to be within marriage, for purposes that are, yes, conjugal ... but also procreative. That's the perfect way that a sexual union should happen.

    So, Rick ... um ... it is "supposed to" be that way, and "should" happen that way, according to WHO?  You?  Who appointed you the objective authority on morality and what is natural and right?  

    God?  You're God's right-hand man?  I thought you said you weren't running for preacher.

    In the domestic violence counseling groups I've led, we would discuss "red flag" warning signs of dangerous, controlling, potentially abusive people.

    One of the huge red flags was the habitual use of the word "should" ... as well as its related phrases:  "shouldn't," "have to" and "supposed to."  

    They are the classic abuse words.

    They are a clear indication that a person's personal preferences are being mistaken for objective, external fact.

    And the logical next step is that anyone who disagrees is ... well, not just wrong and misguided, but very likely also bad, stupid, crazy, and evil.

    And how are you supposed to treat people who are bad, stupid, crazy, and evil?  You punish them, lock them away, try to force them to see things the "right" way, deal with them harshly (for their own good) ... and so on.

    •  And here I am (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      niemann, Oh Mary Oh

      using both those words in my comment title. Please be assured I have never laid a hand on my husband in violence :-)

      Score Card: Marriages won by me, 1. Marriages destroyed by me, 0.

      by Steven Payne on Wed Oct 19, 2011 at 01:53:01 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  Well, not quite! (3+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        Steveningen, Julia Grey, Oh Mary Oh
        And here I am using both those words in my comment title.

        I didn't even notice that!

        But you really used "suppose" in the rather different sense of "I guess I should ..."

        And, although I take your use of "I should be shocked" in the spirit of resigned semi-humor, and don't want to read into it any more deeply than that ...  

        Just as a point of potential interest for those interested in abuse dynamics, there is actually a difference when the word "should" is directed outward, and when it is directed inward.  

        I always picture the word "should" as a big mallet with the word SHOULD inscribed on it.   Abusers and controllers aim outward and use the mallet to beat up on other people (as Santorum does in a clear example here) -- usually "for their own good."

        Abuse victims, on the other hand, also tend to use the mallet a lot -- but mostly on themselves.  I had one victim who had a good insight.  She said, "After a while you don't even need an external abuser because they've trained you to beat up on yourself with the mallet."

        The defense against the "SHOULD hammer" is the "SEZ WHO? shield".

    •  Psychologist Albert Ellis once described (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:

      the "shouldy" approach to life as "musterbation".

      Banksters are harmful for the same reason neutrinos are harmless: neither are inclined to share what they've got (wealth and energy, respectively)

      by ebohlman on Wed Oct 19, 2011 at 02:47:54 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

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