Skip to main content

View Diary: Elder Advocacy and Being a Detective (74 comments)

Comment Preferences

  •  More power to you. My wife's mother had (7+ / 0-)

    alzheimers/dementia and her father went to the assisted care facility everyday to monitor and assist.

    •  I think I am headed that direction. I was going (6+ / 0-)

      three days/week, but obviously, that is not enough.

      202-224-3121 to Congress in D.C. USE it! You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage them.

      by cany on Fri Dec 09, 2011 at 10:44:54 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  He had tried home care for the first year or so (5+ / 0-)

        but could not keep up.

        Not sure you need to go everyday like he did. They were married for 60 years....

        Thanks for sharing your experiences.

      •  I went every day (6+ / 0-)

        for up to 16 hours a day when my mother was in a nursing facility after her massive right-brain stroke.   She was conscious and cognitive about everything going on around her.  

        But whenever I saw a serious anomaly, like dirty wash cloths and used rubber gloves just piled in the corner of her room, or left on the floor by her bed; or total lack of cleaning of the bathroom, causing noxious odors in her room tormenting her all day long; mixed up med orders either erroneous or not implements, etc. etc., I would speak up to both the managing nurse on the floor or to the facility management.

        Well...the nursing staff didn't like those reports against them, so they took it out on my mother's care.  No kiddin'.  And they made wild allegations against me, saying that I caused the bruising constantly appearing on Mom's body.   They accused me of "hovering", and not-so-politely kicked her out.  Of two facilities, for the same reasons.

        Too damn bad!  I could not let her lay there and be so mistreated and neglected!  I had to speak up!

        We did eventually find a facility that must've been run by angels.  The staff treated my mom like she was their own parent.   And were always so sweet, pleasant, conscientious and helpful.  They appreciated my learning to help them move and turn Mom (paralyzed on her left side), and help change her linens.

        But money finally ran low, so my parents are both living with a younger sibling now.  Very difficult situation for my family.   But my parents are receiving just the best one-on-one care.   At least I know they are always comfortable and attended to.  (CNA comes in 12/7 to take care of 'em.)

        So watch out for this pitfall:  that facilities do not like to have "residents" with "hovering" family members.  They like the patients who have little or no visitors.  Which are many of the "inmate" population in the nursing homes, warehoused in the halls in their wheelchairs, slack-jawed by over-medication.  

        I hope things go much better for you.  And bless you for being there for your mother.

        A

        •  Bingo! I was told that for spending (5+ / 0-)

          the night on my mother's floor this week, that I needed an "intervention".  I have more to say on this but you have it right.

          My siblings and I have always been involved in our parents' care as they needed it, but we have found with mom, that the staff resents and blocks our attempts to be involved.

          They are not used to local family with members who treat her space as an apartment. Unfortunately, the norm is out of state kids who see their mom or dad infrequently. So the staff is reinforced in their "ownership".

          This is an assisted living situation and we have seen it in several. As long as the people living there are "independent" living, they come and go and have visitors as if it were their own home. They are off the staff radar. Once they are assisted living and especially if enhanced services such as medication delivery are added, then the staff becomes proprietary towards their inmates.

          We were told in the current facility that they staff up and pop in more in the hours in which visits are likely to take place.  

          That staying with a parent overnight, puts us in a position to see more of what they do, strengths and weaknesses in the system.

          Science is hell bent on consensus. Dr. Michael Crichton said “Let’s be clear: The work of science has nothing to do with consensus... which is the business of politics. Science, on the contrary, requires only one investigator who happens to be right,”

          by Regina in a Sears Kit House on Fri Dec 09, 2011 at 03:00:01 PM PST

          [ Parent ]

          •  I see it really IS systemic (6+ / 0-)

            The managing head nurse in the last facility my mom was in would glare at me every time she saw me.   Protecting the slacker-ness of her whole territory in that facility.  Yep, they want patients who are just "put away" there by family.  

            I was present for my mother's 3 meals a day in the dining room.   There was a very elderly lady who was assigned to Mom's table every meal who had had a stroke that left her unable to speak.  Every time she saw me there for my mother, she would break out bawling with tears.   One of the other residents "translated" for me that this sad lady was so reminded by my presence and attentiveness to my mom of how no one ever comes to see her.   So sad.

            I'm sorry you're now going through the same thing.   Hang in there and stand your ground.   That facility is getting paid to care for your mother.  So insist that they do their jobs.

            Best wishes to you with all that.

            •  We have looked into this. It turns out that the (4+ / 0-)

              state of Oregon licenses each level and if they meet the requirements for the level of care they advertise, that is all they need do.  

              We can pay for more help, but at some point/level we exceed their resources in numbers and skill.

              We could dump a thousand dollars a week into increased care scripts, and she would barely get more than she got when we did most of her help when she was more ambulatory and not so frail.

              Science is hell bent on consensus. Dr. Michael Crichton said “Let’s be clear: The work of science has nothing to do with consensus... which is the business of politics. Science, on the contrary, requires only one investigator who happens to be right,”

              by Regina in a Sears Kit House on Fri Dec 09, 2011 at 03:44:39 PM PST

              [ Parent ]

      •  It will not be enough in the beginning, (5+ / 0-)

        but if this is an appropriate placement for her, things will calm down. You will learn what you can and cannot expect them to deliver competently. You will be surprised in both directions -- often the lowest paid workers will be much better than you expect (especially if they are treated nicely) and the higher ranking ones much worse.

      •  This is what's scary. Once there I feel I should (3+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        Villanova Rhodes, cany, worldlotus

        stay full time. Things are not as portrayed. Members of my family have not spoken out in fear it would back fire on mom's care.

        Science is hell bent on consensus. Dr. Michael Crichton said “Let’s be clear: The work of science has nothing to do with consensus... which is the business of politics. Science, on the contrary, requires only one investigator who happens to be right,”

        by Regina in a Sears Kit House on Fri Dec 09, 2011 at 03:40:21 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

Subscribe or Donate to support Daily Kos.

  • Recommended (151)
  • Community (76)
  • Bernie Sanders (50)
  • Elections (42)
  • 2016 (41)
  • Environment (34)
  • Hillary Clinton (33)
  • Climate Change (33)
  • Culture (32)
  • Civil Rights (29)
  • Republicans (28)
  • Science (28)
  • Media (27)
  • Barack Obama (24)
  • Law (23)
  • Labor (23)
  • Spam (21)
  • Education (19)
  • Trans-Pacific Partnership (19)
  • International (18)
  • Click here for the mobile view of the site