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View Diary: My 98yo mom kicks my butt (81 comments)

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  •  Thank you Allison for confirmation! (3+ / 0-)
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    AllisonInSeattle, cany, glorificus

    And, yes, I am totally there! The day I learned that I didn't need (and could never get) my mother's love, attention, support, understanding, recognition, etc....I was reborn.

    But it is still a struggle, because I mourned for the lost "fantasy mother" and my own compassion kept me trying to get her to understand.  I even went so far as to read her The Narcissistic Family, but she only saw it as an attack.  The book warns about this too.  It is very insightful, to say the least.

    I just got back from my 14 hour day of driving and visiting her, and I am exhausted!

    Allison, thank you so much for your message. I will respond tomorrow when i can think better.

    •  Thanks freeport, and back to cany: if we 2 can do (3+ / 0-)
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      cany, glorificus, freeport beach PA

      this, you can, too.

      So so few of us had the "fantasy mother", when you think about it. Lucky people had genuine, caring moms... but not "fantasy mom".

      Again, cany: it's do-able.

      This health care system is a moral atrocity. Dr. Ralphdog

      by AllisonInSeattle on Sun Dec 18, 2011 at 06:38:54 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  I am a realist/pragmatist/humanist, (0+ / 0-)

        to me, a "fantasy" mom is one who is genuine and caring, nothing more.  For me, that WAS the fantasy.  

        I never needed/wanted "things"....just someone who would rock me or know me or go to my volleyball games.  
        Instead, my childhood memories are of cleaning like Cinderella for my mother's endless parties or brushing HER hair, never her brushing mine, of sitting in a third story window wondering if it was high enough to kill me if I jumped into the driveway, and not really knowing why I wanted to do that.....

        "Thou shall not be aware"....Alice Miller on the victims of childhood narcissistic abuse.  Becoming "aware" is what finally frees you.  cany, Allison and I are just trying to help you become aware.  Once you know, you can do miraculous things!  There are more of us than you can possibly imagine, and with all of us helping, we can all wake up and heal; ourselves and then the next person, and the next.  

        And then, your new knowledge will open vistas before you, which are the extrapolation of our families into the world at large.  Narcissism is what is going on on Wall Street and Congress right now!!  Please read my comment from another diary.

        It is time to reveal the narcissism around us every chance we get, personal, national, international.  It all starts at home and within each of us the power to end it.  

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