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View Diary: A Conversation w/ My Rich, Republican Father (226 comments)

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  •  My therapist would love you... (27+ / 0-),  I don't have a real therapist, just a student trainee whom I scheduled to see because I was afraid the management in my Senior low income housing facility might evict me; saying I was seeing a therapist might forestall eviction.

    Said therapist criticizes me because, she says, I seem removed from my emotions.  Your diary makes me feel very sad; and, if I could only cry, my therapist might see that I am not always completely detached from my emotions.

    At age 79, I no longer cry.  I live with and try to accept the situation in which I find myself.  My therapist thinks I should express the grief over this situation.  Perhaps she is right, yet I still choose not to do that.

    I choose, since that is where I find myself, to accept my loss of everything I sought in this life, to accept the loneliness, the isolation, the pain, the lack of adequate medical care, for example.

    I put myself through UCB in the 1950s while sending money home to them to pay for their medical bills.  As an only child, I spent 26 years of my life sending money home to them to pay for the medical bills and deaths of 2 grandparents and my Mother and Father.  As a pretty female, I experienced the misogyny of the 50s culture.

    While putting myself through school and sending monies home to my parents, I was nominated for a Woodrow Wilson 4 year graduate fellowship by a professor who was prominent in the Woodrow Wilson Foundation.  He was enough of a VIP that the selection committee sent him a special letter to explain why they had not accepted me.  It said (the quote may not be exact, but it is close):

    Although we find nothing lacking in Ms. Vilen's scholastic aptitude, grade point, or academic achievement; we find that she is such an attractive young woman that she will probably just get married, have children, raise a family, and waste our funding.

    And so your very good diary leaves me feeling sad, feeling the injustice of a stochastic (process? Or deliberate social system?)  system which granted you good blessings while giving me so much sorrow.  My Buddhist teahings say it is because you have good karma from a past life, while I must have been quite bad!  I'm sorry.  I can't remember, so I can't accept.

    I will print this out to give to my therapist as she doesn't seem to understand why I have no more tears to cry in public.   Yet your writng and you generous, rigtheous attitude helps me to feel my sorrow and to be alright with it.

    Thank you      web!

    "The Future of Man" [... ???] Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

    by dharmasyd on Mon Jan 30, 2012 at 10:16:42 PM PST

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