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View Diary: We were too poor to save my mother (96 comments)

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  •  I'm sorry but, I have to ask, (4+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Avila, pitbullgirl65, weck, wishingwell

    what the HELL is wrong with your father? I just do not understand this. What part of this life experience didn't he get?

    Take the "Can't(or)" out of Congress. Support E. Wayne Powell in Va-07.

    by anastasia p on Tue Feb 07, 2012 at 01:31:48 PM PST

    •  My father is a "conservative" (15+ / 0-)

      He really does not believe in government spending money to help the poor, or anyone else for that matter. There was a time in my childhood that we qualified for welfare and food stamps because he could not find work--but he and my mother never applied because he so firmly believes that the government shouldn't help such people. He really, truly believes government assistance is socialism, and he'll have none of that in his country.

    •  grief (7+ / 0-)

      is very much an individual process. shiobe said in the comments that her father felt as though he had failed. i can't imagine the guilt he's probably felt. no one helped them, and now he isn't willing to help anyone. if i had lost a child because i couldn't afford treatment, and no one helped me, i literally don't know how i'd find the will to go on living.

      it may be that he finds some comfort in church, and as you know, anastasia, the right wing evangelicals are very skilled in manipulating the pain of others, to further their own agendas. i hope he will reconsider. it's possible. i can't judge him, though. he has suffered a loss that i can't even imagine.

      Success loves a witness, but failure can't exist without one. - Junot Díaz

      by Avila on Tue Feb 07, 2012 at 01:58:26 PM PST

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      •  you are right about the manipulation (12+ / 0-)

        My brother is a fundamentalist evangelical preacher. Many of the ideas that my father has solidified in the last 15 years are directly from him (which he got from Pensacola Christian College). Add to that the fact he only listens to commentators he considers "conservative", it is no wonder he believes what he believes.

        But I also believe grief still rules some of his thinking. That has lessened with the birth of his granddaughter, so perhaps he can begin to truly heal.

        •  i really hope so (6+ / 0-)

          feeling helpless goes hand-in-hand with depression, and has a corrosive effect sometimes, to a point that people are overwhelmed with pain (and try not to show it).

          a new granddaughter is wonderful, for all the family. i'm happy you can see some lessening of grief in your father.

          even though everyone here knows how insidious the doctrine of the religious right can be, they've always been very proficient in targeting the most vulnerable. someone in pain, or with any kind of need they can identify is an ideal messenger for their conservative propaganda, and they can usually convince the person to listen to no other voices, so their message is "pure," with no outside "worldy" influence.

          Success loves a witness, but failure can't exist without one. - Junot Díaz

          by Avila on Tue Feb 07, 2012 at 03:06:45 PM PST

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          •  it's true (6+ / 0-)

            and I have seen that in my father. It depresses me, but U can always hope something might happen to make him think, even change his mind. Hopefully his granddaughter can help with that.

            •  she is (4+ / 0-)
              Recommended by:
              MuskokaGord, BMarshall, JayDean, Agent99

              someone who has never known him when he was helpless, or in mourning. that opens up a world of hope and possibility to him. (i lost my mother at 14, and for years, my father was so lost in grief it sometimes felt like they were both gone.) i think most grandparents feel nothing is ever quite good enough for their grandchildren, and hopefully, your father will reconsider some of his conservative beliefs when he considers her future.

              my heart really goes out to you, shiobe. reading this, i can feel your pain and i have wondered in the past week if the Komen imbeciles have any idea how hurtful their actions have been to so many. not that they'd care, but their cruelty has resonated in ways they might not have considered. i've heard they have a sale of their pink ribbon shirts online, but i wouldn't want one even if it was free. they went too far this time.

              Success loves a witness, but failure can't exist without one. - Junot Díaz

              by Avila on Tue Feb 07, 2012 at 04:15:58 PM PST

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              •  their actions have hurt (5+ / 0-)

                That is why we need to fund Planned Parenthood directly, or any other legit org who truly looks after the needs of the people. Komen has just shown their true colors. Even I wonder how much good they actually accomplished, or if their money was really meant to make Brinker rich and they rode on the backs of the sick to make it happen.

                I can't even buy Yoplait anymore. Nothing with a pink ribbon, and I hopefully will never again buy anything from a company that might use that money to support them.

    •  He was probably told (10+ / 0-)

      all his life that he had to pull himself up by his bootstraps and if he couldn't then there was something wrong with him; if he couldn't get ahead, it was his own fault. The failure to do that then to suffer such a great loss because of his own failure can just make the attitude worse. It's hard to throw off that early programming.

      Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. Throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. --Mark Twain

      by Debby on Tue Feb 07, 2012 at 02:34:43 PM PST

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