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View Diary: Birth Control Saves Lives- What Happens When it's not There? A True Story (77 comments)

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  •  I have to wonder... (2+ / 0-)
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    BlackSheep1, kyril

    ... if your parents' friend chose a passive form of suicide because she was so miserable in life...?

    Being told one is a worthless empty vessel whose biology dictates one's fate from birth has to take a toll on self-esteem and make the nothingness of death preferable to life, even if she did love her living children.

    Some "choice."  [Historically, no organization has done more harm or caused more deaths through a combination of what they've put women through or the wars they've started or crusades or inquisitions than the Catholic church throughout the last 2000 years.]

    In 1938, my maternal grandmother died in her sixth pregnancy after carrying a dead fetus inside her for three months.  The doctor's note on the reverse side of the death certificate says the fetus died in March and he had recommended bed rest; he's clearly confused because her body isn't taking over and expelling the dead fetus as it should.  On 25 May she went into labor, emergency surgery was performed to remove the dead fetus, and between the blood loss and parturition effort, she died the following day..., leaving behind five motherless children ages 15 down to two and a husband who could not deal with either her death or single parenthood.  The doctor (probably to cover his ass) also did a birth/death certificate for the fetus: "of six months gestation but carried to term."  The cause of death for him was "toxemia of pregnancy" (pre-eclampsia, which I now know is normally always fatal to fetuses).

    Antiquated laws in effect notwithstanding, I hardly think it's a true "abortion" to remove a dead fetus, but I partially blame the abortion laws in effect in 1938, not to mention an inept doctor (I know of other things he did as a doctor that make him totally unqualified to be a doctor).  If the doctor had aborted this dead fetus - old enough at death to be considered as early third trimester or late second trimester - the negative effects of five children losing their mother, and a father/widower who didn't know how to manage after she died, and bitter siblings who said of their sister's death "if she were a cow or a horse she would have been treated more humanely," would not be echoing through the family 74 years later.

    I'm glad your mother survived the horror of pre-eclampsia and someone removed the dead fetus.  Your family was, indeed, fortunate.

    I'm sick of attempts to steer this nation from principles evolved in The Age of Reason to hallucinations derived from illiterate herdsmen. ~ Crashing Vor

    by NonnyO on Wed Feb 22, 2012 at 11:43:25 AM PST

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    •  She didn't appear miserable to my young eyes (3+ / 0-)
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      BlackSheep1, kyril, NonnyO

      Yes, she had a chronic illness that was destroying her kidneys, which had been moved up by several decades by bearing children, but she was always happy, laughing when I saw her. She loved music and taught me piano for two years before her  death (I never took it again after).  They played cards every weekend, well into the night, and they may have also been bowling partners, I don't remember. But I remember her as happy and joyful.
      I think this is why my dad emphasized that it was her choice so much, because it was honestly what she believed. He told me believing that it's the women's choice meant that you had to support even those who made choices you disagree with.

      As to my mother, my Dad and her Doctor were the miracle workers here. We weren't catholic and they refused to let my mom die because the Catholic people who ran the hospital wouldn't help her. Her Doctor moved her to a hospital where she wasn't a 'fellow', didn't have practicing rights to save my mother's life. We were very fortunate to have her for a Doctor.

      "Madness! Total and complete madness! This never would've happened if the humans hadn't started fighting one another!" Londo Mollari

      by FloridaSNMOM on Wed Feb 22, 2012 at 12:08:52 PM PST

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      •  I can't fault... (0+ / 0-)

        ... religion for my grandmother's death, and no one at the time was a Catholic anyhow.  There are a couple of converts now, but by and large the family is descended from Scandinavian immigrants and Lutheran, or they joined the few protestant churches that existed in the area at the time, most of which were the Lutheran churches built by Scandinavian immigrants.  The whole baptism and confirmation thing is done, but church attendance is mostly limited to holidays and such, and not many take religion seriously.

        The family always laid my maternal grandmother's death at the feet of the doctor who was in irresponsible twit.  After getting a copy of my grandmother's death certificate, I agree with them.  He was a hack.  He removed a great-uncle's tonsils without anesthetic on the family's kitchen table when he was only eight or nine years old (he was a younger bro of my maternal gram).  True story.  Said gr-uncle's daughter, a nurse, told me about it.  He father told her about it, and never forgave the doctor his cruelty to him..., and the later death of his sister because the doctor didn't remove the dead fetus.

        In '04 at a family reunion a great aunt who married the second brother of my grandmother's told me she helped take care of my grandmother leading up to her death.  Gr-Aunt said she cried a lot in both physical pain and because she knew the baby inside her was dead.  All Gr-Aunt or anyone else could do is hold her hand and let her cry.

        In all the interviews I've had with family members for my genealogy research, not one single person has said the dreaded words ..." but..." and told me any stories that indicated she wasn't as kind as others have said.  To a person, everyone loved her, and they indicated she was one of the kindest, loveliest people anyone had ever met.  The daughter of one of my gram's sisters said she preferred visiting at her aunt's house to being with her parents when she was a child.  She remembered how my gram gently brushed and braided her hair and talked to her, and always with a kind voice; she never yelled, apparently.  I get why my mother and the rest of the family never got over her death.

        Fast forward to present day and where I live, the only hospital in town started out as Catholic-owned.  Not sure what they are now, but while the name stayed the same and they still have all the religious iconography all over the place, a medical corporation has bought the hospital and the only clinic in town.  For the last couple of stays there, the hospital personnel have asked if I wanted to file a Living Will with them, and I quite blatantly told them "No, I won't file a Living Will with you because you're a Catholic organization."  I got no response with that answer, but it will always be my answer to them.  My will and the rest of the legal papers include my instructions, and I've discussed my end of life decisions with my brother, so that's all taken care of via family..., not a cold and calculating religious institution out for profits (and who keep records for statistical purposes and share info like names and addresses so health organizations, hearing aid doctors, funeral homes and crematoriums can send out advertising, right along with the health magazine the hospital and clinic send out.  No thanks.

        I'm sick of attempts to steer this nation from principles evolved in The Age of Reason to hallucinations derived from illiterate herdsmen. ~ Crashing Vor

        by NonnyO on Wed Feb 22, 2012 at 09:10:42 PM PST

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