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View Diary: How to Homeschool on a Shoestring Budget (127 comments)

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  •  So do I. (5+ / 0-)

    "he'd say no to things he liked and wanted to do if it was ordered instead of suggested."

    I have the same reaction. I expect to be politely asked, not ordered.

    Guess I must have some kind of "disorder." :)

    •  Ok, I understand your point (6+ / 0-)

      but this was a five year old. "Go get your favorite movie and I'll put it in for you" isn't usually something that's met with "no". This was extreme beyond a typical child.

      "Madness! Total and complete madness! This never would've happened if the humans hadn't started fighting one another!" Londo Mollari

      by FloridaSNMOM on Sat Mar 10, 2012 at 09:29:13 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  I'm sure it was. (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        martini

        But we've all seen phases and situations where a child will say "no" just to say it.

        After the diagnosis of ODD, what was the solution?

        •  the Solution (3+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          radical simplicity, elfling, martini

          was learning strategies around it when he was younger, offering choices or phrasing things as a question. As he got older we pointed out when he made that instinctive 'no' to something we knew he wanted, and he'd stop and think a moment and correct himself.  I still give choices where I can however, especially if it's something I know he's not going to want to do (Do you want to wash or dry dishes tonight? for example). It seemed to help some with his IEP and help the teachers he had handle him better, knowing up front that this was an issue with him, especially as I made sure to talk to them at the IEP's ect while he was in public school.

          "Madness! Total and complete madness! This never would've happened if the humans hadn't started fighting one another!" Londo Mollari

          by FloridaSNMOM on Sat Mar 10, 2012 at 01:25:39 PM PST

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          •  It's nice to hear (3+ / 0-)

            you have worked out a gentle, polite way to interact.

            How do you differentiate between different nos? The "instinctive" no that he might not really mean versus a genuine no?

            •  Differentiation of no's (1+ / 0-)
              Recommended by:
              martini

              Some of it is just instinct, the same way you know what your child's cry means. Some is experience with my son. Some is, now, seeing the look on his face saying "wait, what did I just say?" Sometimes it takes giving him a moment and then rewarding what I said to see if the answer is different. "Are you sure you don't want to play wii while your sister is busy?" Sometimes the answer changes, sometimes it doesn't.

              "Madness! Total and complete madness! This never would've happened if the humans hadn't started fighting one another!" Londo Mollari

              by FloridaSNMOM on Sat Mar 10, 2012 at 03:08:58 PM PST

              [ Parent ]

              •  Respect your approach but have a different take... (2+ / 0-)
                Recommended by:
                Nance, martini

                I think part of respecting the worth and dignity of every person (including a young person) is to generally acknowledge their "nos" even if your own wisdom tells you they are wrong.  Having the personal sovereignty to effectively say "no" is an important developmental experience, even if you are proven later to be wrong.  If you are not given the freedom to fail and the respect that goes with it, real development is difficult.

                Cooper Zale Los Angeles http://www.leftyparent.com

                by leftyparent on Sat Mar 10, 2012 at 03:58:14 PM PST

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                •  Oh he has personal sovereignty to say no (2+ / 0-)
                  Recommended by:
                  elfling, martini

                  I don't override him, I just ask if he's sure, sometimes. He's said no and gone without and regretted it many times. But he'll say no automatically sometimes, almost a tourette's type reaction, so we give him time to correct himself if he needs to. I rarely have to prompt him to think about things before he makes a final decision any longer now. If he's already upset about something else he's more likely to fall back into the automatic negative.

                  "Madness! Total and complete madness! This never would've happened if the humans hadn't started fighting one another!" Londo Mollari

                  by FloridaSNMOM on Sat Mar 10, 2012 at 04:31:55 PM PST

                  [ Parent ]

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