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View Diary: I worshipped a squirrel (200 comments)

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  •  Squirrel is a jealous god (4.00)
    There I was in the little park watching the children play when lo, Squirrel appeared out of a burning BBQ, and he was pissed. I hastened to prostrate myself before him, but allowed mine eyes to momentarily stray in the direction of a Canada goose. I guess that was the last straw.

    Squirrel froze me with his awful stare and took advantage of my helplessness to direct a large stone missle at the most vulnerable part of my person. The pain was indescribable. I thought I might be having a near death experience. Writhing still, I beseeched Squirrel to prophesy as to what would befall me now.

    A message appeared in burning briquets:

    "The Rupture is coming."

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