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View Diary: Rick, If You're Against Porn, Don't Watch It (137 comments)

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  •  You just don't understand the enormity of the (3+ / 0-)

    disaster of pornography in America. Why, just consider a draft speech alleged to being worked on by a Santorum speechwriter:

    Well, either you're closing your eyes
    To a situation you do now wish to acknowledge
     Or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated
     By the presence of pornography in your community.
     Ya got trouble, my friend, right here,
    I say, trouble right here in the United States.
    Just as I say,
    It takes judgement, brains, and maturity to score
     In a balkline game,
    I say that any boob kin take
     And shove a ball in a pocket.
    And they call that sloth.
    The first big step on the road
     To the depths of deg-ra-Day--
     I say, first, medicinal wine from a teaspoon,
     Then beer from a bottle.
    An' the next thing ya know,
    Your son is playin' for money
     In a pinch-back suit.
    And list'nin to some big out-a-town Jasper
     Hearin' him tell about horse-race gamblin'.
    Not a wholesome trottin' race, no!
     But a race where they set down right on the horse!

    Like to see some stuck-up jockey'boy
    Sittin' on Dan Patch? Make your blood boil?
    Well, I should say.
    Friends, lemme tell you what I mean.
     Ya got one, two, three, four, five, six pockets in a table.
    Pockets that mark the diff'rence
     Between a gentleman and a bum,
    With a capital "B,"
    And that rhymes with "P" and that stands for pool!
    And all week long your ASmerican
     Youth'll be frittern away,
    I say your young men'll be frittern!
     Frittern away their noontime, suppertime, choretime too!
     Get the ball in the pocket,
     Never mind gittin' Dandelions pulled
     Or the screen door patched or the beefsteak pounded.
     Never mind pumpin' any water
    'Til your parents are caught with the Cistern empty
     On a Saturday night and that's trouble,
     Oh, yes we got lots and lots a' trouble.
     I'm thinkin' of the kids in the knickerbockers,
    Shirt-tail young ones, peekin' in the pool
    Hall window after school, look, folks!
    Right here in America.
    Trouble with a capital "T"
     And that rhymes with "P" and that stands for pool!
     Now, I know all you folks are the right kinda parents.
    I'm gonna be perfectly frank.
     Would ya like to know what kinda conversation goes
     On while they're loafin' around that Hall?
    They're tryin' out Bevo, tryin' out cubebs,
     Tryin' out Tailor Mades like Cigarette Feends!
     And braggin' all about
     How they're gonna cover up a tell-tale breath with Sen-Sen.
     One fine night, they leave the pool hall,
     Headin' for the dance at the Arm'ry!
     Libertine men and Scarlet women!
    And Rag-time, shameless music
     That'll grab your son and your daughter
     With the arms of a jungle animal instink!
     Friends, the idle brain is the devil's playground!

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