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View Diary: Thank You Isn't Enough (119 comments)

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  •  Tricia, you never will. (4+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    KelleyRN2, LSophia, Corvinus, theKgirls

    Embrace the fact that you will never get that image out of your mind.  You never will.  That image is a part of your life with Jim, now.  All you can do is put that image in it's place among the other memories.  You will find a way to diminish the horror of that moment by layering it under the wonderful years you had together.

    If you wait until that image fades, the rest of the images of your lives together will never regain the importance that they deserve.

    I, too, am unsettled by the fact the Jim needed you as witness to his death.  But he did.  In his mind - in his pain - for whatever reason, he needed you to be fully present with him.  And he left you with that image.

    Understand that it is now a part of your life.  Light some candles for it.  By that candlelight, write Jim a letter telling him how you feel and asking him the questions you have of why and why and why...  

    Bury the letter under the ground when you plant a beautiful, flowering tree or shrub and hope, that as that beauty grows, you will either come to understand, or come to peace with not knowing all of the "whys."  Because you never will.  Accepting the "unknowing" will set you on the path to healing.

    Love to you.  Peace and light and strength to you.

    ~Kelly

    ((So many year ago, I had a brother-in-law that I loved so dearly.  He took a gun to his head.  What I write here is from that time.  From what my sister went through.))

    Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe. ~ Abraham Lincoln

    by CJB on Thu Apr 19, 2012 at 08:02:04 PM PDT

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