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View Diary: Tonight I finally got the chance to apologize to the cashier I F-Bombed (125 comments)

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  •  You are mixing apples and oranges (2+ / 0-)
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    Murphoney, gooderservice

    That a clerk who is paid near or at minimum wage engages in inappropriate work behavior is an issue for her or his manager to take up.  And if there is an inappropriate or offensive event, the proper place to take it up is with management for failure to manage.  That is where the fault and blame and responsibility lies.  And each customer has that POWER to give that feedback to the manager or to the store corporate.  The result could be that the employee is fired and ends up unemployed, and perhaps unemployable. or the manager can ignore you and root on the employee.  or the manager can caution all employees not to discuss religion, politics, or sex on the job.

    Yelling at someone at their workplace or your workplace is compounding the egregious behavior.  If the customer was an employee and dropped the F-Bomb on a customer or another employee, I would be required to discipline BOTH of them.  Because the response to inappropriateness is never more inappropriateness.  

    The result here is that the employee was clearly sanctioned by her superior for her inappropriate behavior (it probably and properly is now part of her permanent personnel file and impacts her raise or future employment), but the customer suffered no tangible harm for his inappropriate behavior.  And, in my view, compounded it by seeking some balm from her for his "apology".  

    When you seek something back for an apology, whether it is understanding, or forgiveness, or recognition of what a wonderful person you are for manfully apologizing despite the fact that you (the receiver of the apology) cause it all, then, that's not really an apology.  

    Apologies come with no strings.  It is not meant to make the apologizer feel better.  It is atonement for doing wrong.  

    "Out of Many, One." This is the great promise of our nation -9.75 -6.87

    by Uncle Moji on Sat Apr 28, 2012 at 05:49:20 AM PDT

    [ Parent ]

    •  Actually, apologies are exactly designed (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      slouchsock, DuzT, aitchdee

      to make the apologizer feel better.  If they didn't, no one would apologize.  Consider the clerk's own immediate apology for her foolish behavior: she didn't apologize with the ultimate goal of making the customer feel better, she did so to preserve her job, which was ultimately about making her feel better.

      So lambasting the diarist is unfair and, frankly, hypocritical.  He didn't even have to make an effort, but he did.  And there weren't any "strings" attached as you suggest, he was just expecting a bit more of an acknowledgement than he got.  I see nothing wrong with him feeling that way.  It's not like he berated her again for not acknowledging his apology.

      •  Nope, that may be true for you (0+ / 0-)

        that you would NEVER apologize unless it made you feel better, but for me, and for many others, your version of an apology is selfish and self-serving.  If that is the point of your version of an apology, then you would be rightly angry if you did not get the satisfaction from your victim that did not serve your selfish interest.  Cruel.  

        The string is clear in your own answer

        he was just expecting a bit more of an acknowledgement than he got
        that expectation is a string, and therefore the reason he got angry.  Selfishness is apparently not his alone, but yours as well.

        "Out of Many, One." This is the great promise of our nation -9.75 -6.87

        by Uncle Moji on Sun Apr 29, 2012 at 05:43:50 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  You apologize to make yourself feel better (0+ / 0-)

          and you know it, and you're telling me a story if you claim you don't.

          You feel guilty about something, so how do you make yourself feel guilty about it?  By doing something like apologizing to rectify it.  You want to make the other person feel better about it... which makes you feel better about it.  That's the ultimate point of even the most sincere apology.

          There's nothing "cruel" about hoping your apology is acknowledged and received.  He didn't rescind the apology when it didn't go exactly as he had hoped, did he?  No.

          Inflating his apology attempt into an atrocity is just plain ridiculous, so you can stop now.

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