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View Diary: I don't bloody well get it. (50 comments)

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  •  Don't let haters win. (2+ / 0-)
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    northsylvania, pale cold

    I just want to encourage you not to punish your family for the results of the vote.  Part of what will make change happen faster is when people have to reconcile the cognitive dissonance that comes when they realize they are supporting things that harm people they love.  Either your family already is accepting, or they need more time and encouragement to "evolve", and spending time with you will help that process.

    •  I don't think my family are supporters (0+ / 0-)

      of this amendment.

      But I vehemently reserve the right to "punish" my siblings for:

      1) Allowing my Catholic mother life-long "cover" for a "6-month premature birth" of her 2nd (well, really 3rd, more below to explain) grandchild who was at birth in 1972 6 lbs 11 oz.  This ruse was after a rushed wedding of my sister in a Catholic chapel in NJ which occurred 6 & 1/2 mos before the birth of the "premie".  My adult niece didn't figure it out until she was in her late 20s.

      2) The 1st grandchild, born not 4 years after I was.  My brother was 17 years older than I.  He knew of the pregnancy, the birth, and the adoption.  Fair enough, he was a kid.  He kept the secret then. But when, in the late 1990s, he was contacted by the adult child who was in his late 30s, which to my brother's credit he embraced and brought into the circle of his own "legitimate" (I hate that word) family, he never told his siblings nor his parents about.  I only know because I am the "cool aunt".

      3) My mother's militant endorsement of and activism for Right-to-Lifers after she figured out that her youngest daughter (read: me) had gotten pregnant her 1st semester of her Catholic college freshman year away (no dating allowed in HS) and had obtained an abortion with the help of her savvier classmates. My mother was relieved that she wasn't publicly shamed but atoned for her "guilt" at escaping public humiliation by endorsing the tactics off f*cking idiots and gynephobes.  (Yes, I did bury the lede)

      4) Allowing my racist mother to be ignorant of the fact that her 4th grandchild married an African woman ... I might add, one of impressive political and social parental connections, as if that matters ... and gave birth to a beautiful and immensely talented great-grandson 7 years before she died. She never learned of this grandchild.

      I'd like to know at what point they should be held accountable for cowardice.

      Sorry. This was not at all directed at you.

      "Americans, while occasionally willing to be serfs, have always been obstinate about being peasantry."

      by Glinda on Thu May 10, 2012 at 12:37:37 AM PDT

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      •  I understand. (1+ / 0-)
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        If you have good reasons to stay away, then you should.  Families are complicated.  Just make sure you aren't punishing yourself by trying to hold them accountable.

        “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
        ― Maya Angelou

        Sometimes people don't know and do better as fast as we'd like.  Or ever.

      •  robert heinlein used to say (1+ / 0-)
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        that the human gestation period is odd... that the first child can be full term at any time up to 9mos, but that all subsequent pregnancies took 9mos. (paraphrased)

        blink-- pale cold

        by zedaker on Thu May 10, 2012 at 05:37:00 AM PDT

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        •  "An eager young bride can accomplish in 6 months (1+ / 0-)
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          what takes everyone else 9 months."

          We are the principled ones, remember? We don't get to use the black hats' tricks even when it would benefit us. Political Compass: -6.88, -6.41

          by bmcphail on Thu May 10, 2012 at 05:43:20 PM PDT

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