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View Diary: An Update and a Reminder (24 comments)

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  •  My late mother-in-law… (8+ / 0-)

    …when she could no longer live alone, was successively moved to three different locations, each more attractive and convenient than the last. Each time she sang the refrain, "…she didn't want to leave." And once in each place, she constantly extolled the virtues of the previous place.

    Her last home, an ALF (assisted living facility) was actually three different facilities, all in one building. The lowest level was much like just an individual apartment with food service and activities available. Hated it. Wanted to go back to the last place (a high rise she could no longer manage).

    Later, in the same facility, she was moved to a similar apartment, but with room service for meals, and mobility assistance for activities. Hated it. Wanted to go back to the last place (downstairs).

    Finally, she graduated to the full on nursing home aspect of the facility, as she had pretty much become unable to comprehend how to manage her life, even in a limited way. Thankfully, she didn't last much longer, although I'm sure she hated it, and wanted to go back downstairs.

    My own 92 year old mother still refuses to leave her apartment (250 miles away) to move up here with/near us. Despite strong moral internals that I should spare no degradation to help with her quality of remaining life, my kids and cousins have assured me (but not convinced me) that there's nothing wrong with her dying the way she wants to. At least she's comfortable and dry.

    Your neighbor's situation sounds much like step one or two of the process m-i-l went through, and she probably is unable to fully comprehend the magnanimity you provided. I do, however, and I applaud you for it.

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