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View Diary: Teaching my son not to be a rapist. (80 comments)

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  •  Then how would (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    luckydog
    I can't help wondering whether this is a good idea for your typical rebellious teenage boy.
    you go about teaching your sons not to rape? It seems the least that responsible parents of boys could do and clearly a great many parents have failed in this task. As a consequence a great many women and girls and boy children have suffered. How would you go about changing that?
    •  I don't believe there is a (0+ / 0-)

      one-size-fits-all solution. Those boys that are more obedient would benefit from a talk like that presented by the diarist. On the other end of the spectrum, those kids who always rebel would possibly benefit from the opposite conversation (the old "reverse psychology" gambit). Most teenage boys are probably somewhere in between.

      •  I'm having a hard time wrapping (2+ / 0-)
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        second gen, Ms Tex

        my brain around the reverse psychology, opposite conversation. The parents are going to advise the boy to ?

        My experience as a teen and as the mother of a boy and a girl, is that when families have a good practice of frequent (dinner +) open conversations, acceptance, and lack of ridicule or punishment for verbalizing ideas the parents disagree with, rebellion is rare.

        If the kid is already rebellious, the approach could be to have him (or her) explain what s/he thinks is appropriate and inappropriate behavior in sexual relationships. In responding to inappropriate ideas, parents can explain the potential consequences (which is last in cognitive development) of it and ask for or suggest alternatives.

        "People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed; never throw out anyone. " Audrey Hepburn "A Beautiful Woman"

        by Ginny in CO on Sat May 26, 2012 at 12:40:03 PM PDT

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        •  You may not have any (0+ / 0-)

          experience with the kind of teenager who is driven to do the opposite of whatever their parents tell them. Consider yourself lucky!

          •  I have college education on child (0+ / 0-)

            development and psychology, and have paid a lot of attention to research in child rearing practices  and development for over 40 years.

            My personal experience with rebellious behavior was when my son hit age 4. It took several years to work out a constructive relationship. By the time he was a teen we had a very solid, respectful and trusting relationship.

            My experience is anecdotal, could be some luck.
            Treatment for oppositional behavior is a BFD now. Could you give a serious answer to the question?

            "People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed; never throw out anyone. " Audrey Hepburn "A Beautiful Woman"

            by Ginny in CO on Sat May 26, 2012 at 02:38:51 PM PDT

            [ Parent ]

          •  So what exactly would be your approach. Never to (1+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            Ms Tex

            actually spell out what rape is??? My therapist told me that my stepfather like many men who have sex with children in thier house may have conflated love and sex even with an unwilling threatened victim. So maybe some open talk about the lines in sexual relationships is important. To stick to the diarists title of teaching her son not to be a rapist is that she may mean her underlying goal that is not so blatantly obvious to her son.

            Proud Slut...Fear is the Mind Killer

            by boophus on Sat May 26, 2012 at 09:55:19 PM PDT

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