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View Diary: Teaching my son not to be a rapist. (80 comments)

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  •  Teaching the many aspects (4+ / 0-)

    of sexuality is hardly suspecting a child of anything. It is recognizing that teens and young adults need to be prepared to make the best decisions - especially if alcohol and peer pressure could be involved.

    The relentless messaging about sex in our culture, in advertising, music, literature and movies needs considerable exposure and examination for children to learn to see or hear the inappropriate ideas.

    I encouraged my kids to feel free about discussing sex and sexuality. They both attended the UU church pre-teen class on About Your Sexuality (since changed to Our Whole Life) and were extremely grateful not to be left in the ignorance their peers were blinded by.

    Having those conversations, in addition to other family activities, builds strong bonds, not low self-worth or lack of trust.

    "People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed; never throw out anyone. " Audrey Hepburn "A Beautiful Woman"

    by Ginny in CO on Sat May 26, 2012 at 12:00:34 PM PDT

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    •  In that case, (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      cris0000

      it should be presented as teaching kids how, when they are older, they should be sexually responsible adults. Presenting it as "how not to be a rapist" is making a very negative assumption, and it's not surprising that some people will take offense at this. We teach our kids how to be nice to other people, not "how not to be murderers".

      Mitt Romney = Draco Malfoy

      by ubertar on Sat May 26, 2012 at 01:35:04 PM PDT

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      •  I think the problem, and the issue (3+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        DvCM, boophus, Ms Tex

        sideboth is also trying to address, is that we have really bad messages in our society about what is appropriate in sexual relationships, contributing to positive experiences, and what is not - because it actually can be emotionally, physically, mentally and psychologically damaging.

        Do you remember the final consummation episode of Moonlighting, the TV show with Bruce Willis and Cybil Shepherd? How many similar scenes are there in countless movies and TV shows? A lot of kids have TVs in their bedrooms. The opportunity for parents to be watching a show with them and being able to have a conversation about a scene that crosses the boundaries is going to be missed - many times. How many of these kids can get on porn sites?

        Then we get into discussions about rape, etc. and there are all kinds of comments that support behavior, which crosses the line from consensual to control, as being OK.

        The line between sex and rape becomes less definite, more flexible than it should be. The stats are clear it is a major problem.

        I understand the reluctance to approach the conversations this way. It is a thought provoking concept which I registered some differences with, as well as citing the UU program which is focused on responsible sexuality - far ahead of the sex ed the majority of children get in this country.

        Compared to the widespread teaching of children under seven about hell and damnation, it is at least dealing with reality of life on earth. I think it reinforces to children what values the parents strongly support and the violations they would be very upset by.

        Is it a negative assumption to think children might use drugs and therefore should not be taught about the dangers of that? Or trying to prepare children to see and resist the insidious temptations that are rampant in our society?

        You see the approach as 'how not to be a rapist'. I see it as being very clear on what actions go too far, and what the word for that is.

        "People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed; never throw out anyone. " Audrey Hepburn "A Beautiful Woman"

        by Ginny in CO on Sat May 26, 2012 at 02:22:12 PM PDT

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        •  It's not that I see the approach that way... (0+ / 0-)

          it's what the diarist is saying. It's an exact quote. I agree with most of what you said above, and most of the diarist's actual content. The title of the diary is the problem. It's inflammatory, and she essentially admits as much in her first sentence. It's not a good start. It's an impediment to the kind of dialogue the diarist ostensibly wants.
          Drug use is not a good analogy. A high percentage of people try illegal drugs. A very small percentage of men rape.

          Mitt Romney = Draco Malfoy

          by ubertar on Sat May 26, 2012 at 02:49:20 PM PDT

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