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View Diary: Pulling Eric out of School (135 comments)

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  •  Are you a parent? (8+ / 0-)

    I don't intend that to be mean or flippant, but kids don't always do what they are told, especially teens.  Some children do ... my daughter could be "compelled" to do something just by a disapproving look.  My son, on the other hand, would take any punishment I was willing to dole out (I refused to beat him as my parents did me) rather than do something he felt was stupid or wrong or a waste of time, or an insult to his intelligence.  As adults, my son is in some ways better off than my daughter -- she still struggles with finding the strength to do what she wants to do in the face of familial or societal disapproval.  (Now, she does win the struggle, my support gave her that, but it isn't as easy as it is for her brother, or me.)

    Leftyparent has written elsewhere of (and I'm not going to say this right) partnership vs. hierarchical relationships and how they might successfully apply to adult/child as well as work and other environs.  I wish I remembered enough of the right words to find the link.  Very interesting discussion.

    I actually flinched at the word 'compel'.  As a parent, I had (my children are all adults now) the right to prohibit behaviours that were harmful, to create and expect an attitude of mutual respect, to encourage growth.  I'm not sure that compelling a child to do something, except out of a protection from danger is ever really good.  It breeds resentment, low self-esteem, dependency, rebellion ...

    I'm not sure how to go about compelling a child to do something he/she is determined not to do without going to lengths I find unacceptable.  But perhaps your children are more like my daughter, and you haven't experienced the difficulties of raising other personality types.  Or maybe you have secrets to share with us.  What do you do when you have compelled the child to sit at the desk with the work on it.  How do you compel them to think?

    •  Thanks for that "second"... (4+ / 0-)

      and calling out that transition from hierarchies of control to circles of equals that I am all about cheerleading for.

      If interested, here's a previous piece I wrote on the way I see the world moving and what I want to be a part of facilitating...

      http://www.leftyparent.com/...

      Cooper Zale Los Angeles http://www.leftyparent.com

      by leftyparent on Sat Jul 14, 2012 at 11:39:00 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  I knew I hadn't remembered the right words. (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        FloridaSNMOM

        Loved that piece.  I mostly read, rarely comment.  It comes from early usenet training against "me too" type comments.  If I don't feel I have something substantive to add, I just rec and move on.  I know that I'm not supposed to do that, I'm told that on DailyKos "me too" type comments are not just okay, but appreciated by the author, but early training is hard to overcome.

        So you probably don't know that I think you (and Sally) and I would be in agreement about many, many things.  Including the incredible growth available to teens at YRUU (when allowed to be teen-led).

        Hat tip to you sir.

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