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View Diary: DOMA: Sally Ride's Partner of 27 Years Denied Federal Benefits. Is Romney Smiling? (200 comments)

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  •  Because she didn't want it to be (11+ / 0-)

    I do not want to stir the pot more, but I am compelled to say this - Sally was intensely private, she lived her life working on the causes she cared about most, which happened to have nothing to do with her own sexuality.  I can certainly understand GLBT folks wishing she had used her position and fame to make a statement about DOMA or marriage equality or bullying of GLBT kids, or a host of other issues.  I wish it myself, and I'm not gay.  But she didn't do it.  She kept her private life private, and I am not surprised, having known her personally albeit briefly and long ago.  I really hope people here, of all places, can find it in themselves to respect her privacy - but I'm a realist and I know the dead have no control over how they're perceived.  The only thing Sally hated about being the first American woman in space is the fame - she did not like being in the public eye very much.   I am sure that she knew making a statement about the woman she loved for 27 years in her obituary - even the very simple "survived by her partner" - would make waves.  I just wish people could respect her for the life she lived, rather than the life they wish she would have lived.

    •  the decision to come out is always an intensely (6+ / 0-)

      personal one. As a transwoman, I've had to consider this myself. I came out to my family in the early phases of my transition, but only after both my parents were dead.

      By "family" I mean my brother, sister, and their spouses and children. I never married or had children when in Dude Mode.

      I came out to the people that knew me under my former male name in science-fiction / fantasy fandom. All my novels are published as Betty.

      With these exceptions, I don't tell people I'm a trans unless it's relevant, which it usually isn't. I tell friends about my past, after the mutual respect of friendship has been established.

      I respect Ms. Ride's decision to keep her relationship private.

      By way of illustration, the recently deceased Maurice Sendak didn't come out as gay until a few years before his death. He explained that coming out earlier would have "destroyed my career."

      "Mistress of the Topaz" is now available in paperback! Link here:

      by Kimball Cross on Tue Jul 24, 2012 at 09:05:21 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  And it's also possible to be fairly out in private (2+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        geordie, CuriousBoston

        and not at all out in public.

        Or out to one group of people but not to others.

        I'm out to y'all, but apart from a parent, two people in my church, and my boyfriend? No one else who knows what I look like or my real name knows. Period. If they suspect, they think I'm just taking that purity pledge from middle school too seriously instead of someone who really wasn't signing anything away when she made it. Granted, it's definitely heteroromantic privilege I can talk about him without outing myself, but I'm starting to get really strange looks for how long we can stay apart without getting frantic about seeing each other again.

        Prayers and best wishes to those in Japan.

        by Cassandra Waites on Tue Jul 24, 2012 at 10:35:15 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

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