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View Diary: "What do you think makes a woman want to have an abortion?" (168 comments)

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  •  I'm stunned (1+ / 0-)
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    hungrycoyote

    You covered a lot of territory and put your difficult story out to the world. That is brave. If I understand your goal correctly, you want to help others by speaking out and having an honest conversation. I appreciate that. If you were sitting in front of me this is some of the responses I would have during the course of our conversation.

    Date rape. I've been there more than once. The experience was complicated to process and I didn't fully comprehend that it was rape until it became a national conversation. I suffered from denial with panic attacks until I could label it for what it was. I learned to take precautions like NEVER go to a man's living space alone if I didn't intend to have a sexual encounter.

    Education is another complicated subject. Traditionally, this responsibility was taken by the family or in the red light district. That proved to be faulty in many ways for many generations.

    Public education has proven to be a better approach to ensure that everyone gets at least the basic facts about biology correct but it really does not prepare young people with the onslaught of social pressure. These kids experience unhealthy images in social media and the pressure for acceptance. Who teaches them how to recognize manipulation & how to defend yourself from predatory behavior, No means NO, the risks associated when using drugs & alcohol, and looking for love through sex. The list is a long one and it seems to get longer with each generation. The public education system can not supply the environment necessary to do the job right because of the religious opposition and the religious approach of relying on the message to practice abstinence and using shame as a motivator is proven to be ineffective and ignores the realities of the real world.

    Public awareness seems to me to be the best avenue. Your diary is an illustration. Change happens when people come out and air their experiences and their insight gleaned from them. Fear and shame is the enemy for progress. You mentioned uses of birth control and access to medical care. This conversation has been started but it needs to continue because I think that there is still too many people who are not listening.

    I would like to see countless more "follow up" questions put to the people who are actively promoting to remove all the choices for a women's reproductive life. The bottom line is the inherent inequality in the area of biology. A women can not hide or avoid a pregnancy once conception takes place. Men can and do. The questions should start focusing on that reality! Someone can frame these questions better but for example; how will you insure that the persons who are fathering the children take responsibility? Are you willing to make a law for mandatory paternity testing to determine the father if he is unknown or in denial? Will the law enforcement show up at uncooperative man's doorstep to take them to a clinic to be tested? If a woman dies from giving birth to a unwanted pregnancy will the father of the child be treated as a murderer? Shocking and maybe unbelievable? That is the same feeling I get with the laws being passed today.

    As far as your description of your family experience and utter frustration with it I can totally relate. I too had a parent incapable to be the parent I needed. Our conflicts did not center around politics because we were aligned in that regard. But my final line of defense was absolute disassociation. I did not have contact with my mother for about 25 years. Recently, I contacted her with questions about genealogy. I'm still guarded but so far the correspondence has been a good experience.

    I can't tell if you are looking for advice with your relationship with your father or if your family dynamics is a vehicle to express your frustration with his point of view. If you are interested in hearing my experience and how I came to terms with it I am willing to share with you through DK's private messaging. The reason I do not want to talk about it here is because my mother is bi-polar. I want you to make the choice to hear my story or not and determine if it would be appropriate.

    I'm confident that your mother would be proud of you writing this story. I hope you can find some peace in the wake of this action. You have illustrated the value of diverse temperaments even though it sometimes makes people uncomfortable.

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