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View Diary: Incest is not rare, Mr. Koster. I know it is quite common. Update: Donate to Koster's Opponent (142 comments)

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  •  are you male? (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Ckntfld, Steven D, schnecke21

    I ask because I'd be surprised if a woman posted this because it wouldn't be her experience, I think.

    I think some, perhaps many or most, males may not get emotionally close/truly intimate with nearly as large a number of women as many females do. Many if not most women have a circle of intimate women friends (and in some places even not intimate) who share even this most personal thing...so may have a sense in their own lives how frequent incest is. Men may not hear it.  

    Or at least, more women feel comfortable talking about incest experiences with other women than with men so they might be emotionally close to a man but not tell him.

    I don't work in social work. I have been in support/personal growth groups for women, book groups of women.

    of a group of women there are always a few who had incest in their families.

    In my circle of close women friends and family it seems to be about 20% have incest in their family.

    I think the statistic is that 1 in 4 women are raped in their lifetime but I bet most people in a room of women don't think that "1/4 of you will or have been raped".

    It's not stuff people talk about easily as it is. I am alway floored when people think their perception based on limited data (like the pol in the diary) is correct. They don't question if they have enough information or why they might not.

    •  No - I think you misunderstand. (0+ / 0-)

      In my experience (Oh and yes I am a man) my contact with incest survivors is negligible.  It doesn't even come close to the low end above. Your experience is 20% - less than half of the high water mark listed about.  I wouldn't be surprised at that figure. I wouldn't be surprised if it was somewhat higher than that.  I did state that I understand that a probably know quite a few more survivors than I am aware.  I just have my doubts that it reaches as high as nearly 1 in 2 people.  At some point an occurrence is so common that it breaks the restraints that hold it secret.  If you had a 50% chance that a person you share your story with also has been abused you'd be more likely to share. At that point - when every other person is a survivor - incest is common.  It becomes a good deal easier to discuss.

      But so what?  If it happens to less than 45-50% of people?  Less than 20%?  Less than 5%?  Dismissing incest because it doesn't happen frequently is nonsense.

      "You have attributed conditions to villainy that simply result from stupidity"

      by newfie on Thu Nov 01, 2012 at 09:50:31 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  Please reread that portion of the diary. It does (2+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        Gentle Giant, jplanner

        NOT say 45% of women experienced incest.  It says that many have memories of some type of touching molestation from their childhood.  That would include instances such as the man who offered to teach me how to swim, and the lesson included a nice boner being pushed against me.  That's not incest.  That is molestation.

        "If you trust you are not critical; if you are critical you do not trust" by our own Dauphin

        by gustynpip on Thu Nov 01, 2012 at 11:53:37 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

      •  you don't know (0+ / 0-)

        really if your "contact with incest survivors is negligible"
        because
        you would be in contact with many and like most of us not know it.
        Most women would not tell you unless they are very close to you particularly because you are a man.

        I have known women intimately for years before I find out they are survivors. I am sure I have incest survivors around me who I do not know are survivors just like you do.

        If I KNOW that 10-20 percent of women around me are survivors...that is just the known ones. How many more of my friends have not told me?

        it could easily be double.

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