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View Diary: Reflections of an abused child (15 comments)

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  •  I keep clicking on this diary, and wanting to (10+ / 0-)

    comment but chickening out. So finally, YES. I think I know how you feel. My father pounded me in bed at age six, for being frightened and unable to sleep because of a widely publicized local kidnap/murder of a young girl. He pounded me in the bathtub at 14, ostensibly for not opening the door fast enough when my sister wanted to use the toilet. And there were plenty of minor poundings and face-slaps and knocking-to-the-grounds and kickings and surly mockings etc in between, yet I wasn't the child he abused the worst. Even when I was 50 and an accomplished physician, he couldn't stop twisting what I said, calling me stupid and a liar and brainwashed and every other name in the book. (Proof of the abuse? It took me that long to recognize it for what it was.)
    I sense that you realize your feelings are common in people with such a background. There will always be moments when the past bursts into the present. It may not feel temporary at the time, but it is, or can be.
    Do you find that these moments of greater vulnerability and sensitivity happen more often during Presidential elections? I certainly do. All the mean Republican daddies without a shred of empathy, getting so much air time -- too many echoes of childhood. Probably I should just stick my head in the sand and ignore the whole thing, but I can't: I MUST see them defeated. This vulnerability will recede after a week, when we no longer have the Karl Roves blaming the messenger (like your father no doubt blamed you for "needing" to be punched, slapped, yanked etc) and denying responsibility for his egregious failings.
    I don't know if anything I've said helps. I do know there's often comfort in shared company. Please hang in there! You didn't deserve to be treated that way as a child, and you don't deserve it now.

    "Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom." -- Thomas Jefferson

    by pianogramma on Sat Nov 10, 2012 at 12:07:03 PM PST

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