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View Diary: What drove you nuts in the middle of all the thankfulness? (177 comments)

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  •  Thanksgiving dinner as women's work (5+ / 0-)

    We had a small group this year at my parents' house, just 6 of us. I was tired, having just got back from a conference, but mostly I was resentful that being a woman meant I had to stay on my feet and keep cooking and washing dishes when there were other things I'd rather do.

    My mother is in her 70s and wants to recreate the meals my grandmother and her sisters put on the table back in the day. Well, there were five adult women contributing to the cause back then and if the guys sat on their asses all day, no worries. The ladies had it. Now there are two of us and I find myself disliking the whole holiday and everyone involved in it.

    It's also my birthday celebration. Yay.

    What I was thankful for was that my brother and his family weren't here. Because none of them lift a finger. They don't bring food. They don't wash dishes. The rudeness is incredible. I don't understand how you can sit down for a meal in someone's house without making a single contribution to the effort yourself, even if it's bringing a 2 liter bottle of Coke.  I hope they stay away Christmas too.

    My mother won't accept changes well. I've tried to suggest doing a giant potluck with my daughter's in laws and we tried it once but somehow that idea got shelved this time. If I don't show up, my mother will just do the whole thing herself.

    Oh, yeah, no wine allowed. (Why is it that those who drive you to drink are the ones with objections to you actually drinking? I did bring wine one year having mistakenly believed that stand might be softening. Big mistake.)

    I hate to sound so whiny. I'm thankful my family includes no wingnuts.

    But our holidays usually suck anyway.

    I'm open to ideas.

    •  When I was little (0+ / 0-)

      Thanksgiving at my Grandmas in rural Kansas was like that. My sister and I were raised to be feminists, and it used to make us crazy at Thanksgiving. All the women, and us girls, were expected to not only provide the food, but also to clean up the mess afterwards. The guys (including my big brother) hung out. Mom took a "when in Rome" attitude about it, and we followed her example. But it was kind of shocking to our sensibilities to see all the guys lounging around, completely oblivious. It would never cross their minds to even offer to help.

      "YOPP!" --Horton Hears a Who

      by Reepicheep on Fri Nov 23, 2012 at 10:41:50 AM PST

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    •  Ugh...you poor thing. (0+ / 0-)

      And then you can't even soften the irritation with a glass of wine! IMO, the first thing you can do is not blame yourself for not enjoying this event, and on your birthday to boot.

      Could you consider occasionally giving yourself a Thanksgiving of your own choosing, whatever that may be?  Since it's your birthday as well, it seems fair to yourself, and if the family doesn't like it, they'll get over it.

      I have a friend with all kinds of friends and family, but thanksgiving is her day for, as she says "peace and quiet" in her own home.  She makes whatever she feels like for dinner, watches the movies she's been meaning to catch up on, reads her book, whatever.  She's a very busy woman and always feels thankful and refreshed for this one day out from all obligations.

      It just seems there's a point where we're all entitled to a Thanksgiving we look forward it instead of dread.

      "A typical vice of American politics is the avoidance of saying anything real on real issues." Theodore Roosevelt.

      by StellaRay on Fri Nov 23, 2012 at 11:09:47 AM PST

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      •  I really like this idea (0+ / 0-)

        I may just designate another day for my personal Thanksgiving and try to adjust my attitude on the official day so I'm not eternally pissed off on the holidays.

        Years ago I did what I called "Christmas Corrections" to decrease stress. These now need to be expanded to include Turkey Day, it seems.

        Thanks for listening. It means a lot.

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