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View Diary: WYFP - Dead Flowers & a Painful Anniversary (183 comments)

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  •  My sister is materialistic, majorly & into 'image' (10+ / 0-)

    So, there are pieces that I'm sure she'd really want, like the pearls.  Things will be interesting when dad passes and we have to go through the 'stuff'.  Her husband isn't much better.  He 'made' her get rid of all the 'nickknacky' type stuff when she moved in.... The trays from Italy, the rice bowl with lid from Japan (that there were two of and sis and I each got one), I'm holding onto the Madame Alexander doll in my basement..... but she could keep the silver pitcher and the crystal platter......  She fully expects dad to give her complete 'sets' of Christmas ornaments for the girls (she adopted 3 girls from China and the oldest is 13 years old now).

    Yet, she can't be bothered to come over and help plant trees with/for dad.  She won't go over and clean up the house.  Wouldn't help with the basement.  etc.....

    •  Got a friend with a brother that is taking (6+ / 0-)

      stuff from a now forgetful mom, even stuff that is tagged for the grandkids....  Get things in writing, lock them in boxes she can't open, don't leave her alone with your dad.

       There are things you can do to make the transition-to-come easier;  the executor of you dad's will should insure that his wishes are carried out. I had to sign a document for the executor of my grandmother's estate stating that I received the wedding set.  Choose the executor wisely, it is the most important thing.  

      Document every thing your dad says.  Change the locks if dad has to spend time away from the house.  Ask dad what he would like to have happen, (tape this if you can) then make it so.  I'm sure the last thing he wants is for you two to be fighting over the stuff.

      If you can have a list in advance, with names attached and photo documentation, you may not have to go through the hurt feelings my friend has for her only sibling.

      Since my dad has remarried a younger woman, my sisters and I have very little hope that there will be any estate, we are moving on, and sticking with each other as the best family in the world instead.

      Please donate to Okiciyap food pantry. . If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.

      by weck on Sat Nov 17, 2012 at 07:11:00 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  After mom passed, he did a new will. I don't (4+ / 0-)

        think my sister will just take stuff out of the house.  I know that she did badger him about the china coffee cups and he asked me about it, if I was ok with it.  Although, when he does pass..... that's another story.  When dad has decided upon some stuff that he no longer 'wants', I've usually had first pick - see the one who's been doing the work he can't and doesn't complain about it - he needs the help - he was there for me when I needed it and it's the least I can do for him - besides he's horrible about organizing anything!!!  It takes me 15 minutes to organize something that takes him all day.... so, I'll go over and take care of it and get a little visit in during the process (to check up on him, so to speak).  He's always asked and/or told me what he's given/loaned to sis and I'm sure he'll tell her what he's given me.  It'll be after he passes that the real mess will truly begin.  But, I think he's put some stuff into writing.

        Dad is 69 and I don't think will remarry.  From what I 'hear' from him, he's not really interested in a 'younger' woman - there's been a couple of women that he's known from when he was working... but nothing has happened.  He also would be the type to make sure that physical items would go to us and financial to the 'new' wife.

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