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  •  I'm Not a Turkey (2+ / 0-)
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    rb608, Pandora

    If "you are what you eat", then one thing's for certain: I'm no turkey!

    (I guess that makes me a Tofurky or an Apple or something.)

    •  Victor Buono (1+ / 0-)
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      Liberal Thinking

      The Fat Man's Prayer

      Lord, my soul is ripped with riot,
      Incited by my wicked diet.
      We are what we eat, said a wise old man,
      And Lord, if that's true, I'm a garbage can!
      I want to rise on Judgment Day, that's plain,
      But at my present weight, I'll need a crane!

      So grant me strength that I may not fall
      Into the clutches of cholesterol.
      May my flesh with carrot curls be sated
      That my soul may be polyunsaturated.
      And show me the light that I may bear witness
      To the President's Council on Physical Fitness.

      At oleomargarine I'll never mutter,
      For the road to hell is spread with butter.
      And cake is cursed, and cream is awful,
      And Satan is hiding in every waffle.
      Mephistopheles lurks in provolone,
      The devil is in each slice of bologna,
      Beelzebub is a chocolate drop,
      And Lucifer is a lollipop!

      Give me this day my daily slice -
      But cut it thin and toast it twice.
      I beg upon my dimpled knees,
      Deliver me from Jujubees.
      And my when days of trial are done
      And my war with malted milks is won,
      Let me stand with the saints in heaven
      In a shining robe - Size 37!

      I can do it, Lord, if you'll show to me
      The virtues of lettuce and celery.
      If you'll teach me the evils of mayonnaise,
      The sinfulness of hollandaise
      And pasta a la milanese
      And potatoes a la lyonaise
      And crisp fried chicken from the south!
      Lord, if you love me, SHUT MY MOUTH!

      "The scientific nature of the ordinary man is to go on out and do the best you can." John Prine

      by high uintas on Wed Nov 21, 2012 at 09:05:00 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

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