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View Diary: Two Faces of Holiday Sadness (45 comments)

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  •  However ... (7+ / 0-)

    Forgot to say this before posting my comment. A counselor I went to a while back had some incredibly helpful insights, and one that I've called to mind many times since is this: Don't let other people define you.

    •  True, and never be a negative (6+ / 0-)

      One I have learned intellectually but not existentially is that we must never be "not-him" or "not-her." A man who is "not-dad" or a woman who is "not-mother," or either who is "not-my-brother" or "sister" is defining her or his character by an absence and giving enormous power to the person she or he abhors. The same is true of institutions.

      Heck, being "not Democrat" pushed Southern Baptists into supporting a bishop in the Mormon church! That's what happens when you allow opposition to be a defining principle.

      Like I said, I know this, but I haven't learned it. Part of the reason that our families wound is that we still want them to see the light and change their standards. If we're gay and dealing with homophobic parents, poor and dealing with materialistic siblings, progressive and coping with troglodytic codes of John Waynery, we're all still wanting them to award us the star. We know we're alright, but we haven't learned it.

      Time is not a fiction; it is a narrative.

      by The Geogre on Sun Nov 25, 2012 at 01:35:33 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

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