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View Diary: Sherlock Holmes in Space -- The Knower -- Chapter 22 (12 comments)

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  •  I just read chapter 21. (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    jabney, cfk, Louisiana 1976

    I somehow missed
    what  Holmes was saying
    to the computer people,
    two plus two is five,
    but no,
    Santa Clause...
    does not exist?

    Computers do not work magic,
    with no mistakes?

    I don't quite get it,
    however:

    I admire the smooth,
    easy flow of the dialogue,
    as if you have a real time machine,
    and Watson and Homes are real,
    and you're simply recording real spoken words,
    and transcribing them for us.

    Maybe I should write a science fiction story,
    about a science fiction writer,
    who is doing just that.

    And he still has trouble
    getting published.

    Nice work.

    •  Thanks for the Feedback (3+ / 0-)

      As I said in one comment recently, the next step will be to edit, edit and then edit some more. When something is unclear to the reader, it means I have to figure out a clearer way of presenting it (or to change it altogether). Fortunately, some of those changes can be as simple as adding a word or two, or subtracting, or changing.

      It may even be a matter of punctuation or using a device you seem to have a good feel for - line-breaks. (By the way, The New Revised Standard Bible as published by Oxford University Press would probably delight you. The lines seem to be placed deliberately but not arbitrarily. A typesetting tour de force.)

      best,

      john

      Strange that a harp of thousand strings should keep in tune so long

      by jabney on Tue Nov 27, 2012 at 07:13:09 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  Yes! You are beginning to see! (0+ / 0-)

        I simply hit the enter key,
        when I want the reader to pause.

        I'm forcing the reader to pause,
        since the reader must move the eyes
        down and left.

        I've spent some years,
        simply racking my brain
        for any other trick of wording,
        arranging phrases,
        re-working sentences,
        to be certain the reader
        understands me.

        I think you're doing well.

        I haven't read enough of your chapters
        to get the flow of the story.

        But I do encourage you
        to edit your work
        if you feel it needs it.

        Here is something
        that needs editing:

         A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.  
         

        Here is my edit:

         Because a well regulated militia is necessary to the security of a free state, the federal government will not put any restrictions on the people's possession of weapons, or threatening the federal government with those weapons.  
         

        Not saying I like that amendment,
        but I'm pretty sure
        that's what they meant.

        And the first amendment
        is all about
        griping
        about the federal government.

        Just to give you ideas
        on how I like to clarify things.

    •  Well said! (3+ / 0-)

      I have enjoyed this story for the very reasons you list.

      Tonight, I am worried because of this (very scary when Holmes says something like this considering all he has tackled before):

      If my trust is warranted, then we shall have gained some time in preparing to battle a most fearsome adversary."
      This is confusing to me, but I will just go with the flow and watch for more:
      To add to the complications, Holmes and Watson are in a future world that they helped shape - including actions that they will be taking in their primary future, but that are in the other characters' pasts.

      Join us at Bookflurries-Bookchat on Wednesday nights 8:00 PM EST

      by cfk on Tue Nov 27, 2012 at 07:17:05 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  Holmes Still Has Some Surprises (3+ / 0-)

        Both to give and to receive.

        This is confusing to me, but I will just go with the flow and watch for more:
        To add to the complications, Holmes and Watson are in a future world that they helped shape - including actions that they will be taking in their primary future, but that are in the other characters' pasts.
        Since this isn't in the canon of my story (yet) I'll just say as a way of thinking out loud (so to speak): Holmes and Watson - being in the macro future temporarily - have two sets of futures. The secondary future for them is what will happen on The SS Oligarch tomorrow and the day after, etc. But the primary future for those two characters - assuming they get back to their starting point unscathed - will be in Edwardian and post-Edwardian London.

        Thank you so much cfk for your continuing words of encouragement. I appreciate it very much. Ans thanks to you who rec and tip too. It means a lot.

        best,

        john

        Strange that a harp of thousand strings should keep in tune so long

        by jabney on Tue Nov 27, 2012 at 07:37:02 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

        •  I am going to copy your answer down (3+ / 0-)

          to keep as I read...thanks.  I sort of understand it and I definitely understand the threat..."assuming they get back to their starting point"...yikes!!

          That is the main threat in all the time travel stories.  And even if Holmes is not allowed to remember...will there be residual changes in him anyway as a result of his experience, is a question I ask.  This kind of thing bends my mind a bit, but it is good.  :)

          Join us at Bookflurries-Bookchat on Wednesday nights 8:00 PM EST

          by cfk on Tue Nov 27, 2012 at 07:42:56 PM PST

          [ Parent ]

          •  Reading About Time Travel Can be Confusing (3+ / 0-)

            So can writing about it.

            I can sort of see why China has outlawed it.

            Sort of.

            But future time travel is less confusing than time travel to the past. Unless, of course, one allows for an unlimited number of parallel universes. Each one created by a choice.

            best,

            john

            Strange that a harp of thousand strings should keep in tune so long

            by jabney on Tue Nov 27, 2012 at 08:08:06 PM PST

            [ Parent ]

            •  About time travel. First, the idea of China (2+ / 0-)
              Recommended by:
              jabney, cfk

              prohibiting time travel stories....

              I simply don't understand that.

              As for travelling forward in time,
              then back to "home" time,
              I suppose I see why you say that's simpler
              than the other way around.

              But if,
              when going back "home",
              you go back to a time
              earlier than the time when you left
              to go to the future,
              you have gone back in time,
              and you still must allow for
              unlimited
              parallel
              universes.

              I once read a short story
              that pointed out
              that there might be
              parallel universes,
              anyway,
              without time travel.

              I think
              the universe
              does not have any parallels,
              and,
              therefore,
              there can be no time travel.

              Other than the one way trip
              we are all taking,
              into the future.

              And we do,
              from our subjective view,
              jump ahead,
              each time we sleep.

              By the way,
              I generally hate time travel stories,
              but yours is like
              a Connecticut Yankee
              in King Arthur's Court,
              and I like that.

              But yours is reversed,
              Sherlock Holmes
              working with computers
              and space ships,
              and electric cars.

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