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View Diary: NFL player commits suicide in front of coaches. Oh, and he killed his girlfriend. (242 comments)

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  •  There is nothing equal about this. (9+ / 0-)

    That it happens to anyone, regardless of gender, is abhorrent. But to say it happens equally to both women and men is just flat out wrong.

    Domestic violence homicides

    On average, more than three women and one man are murdered by their intimate partners in this country every day. In 2000, 1,247 women were killed by an intimate partner. The same year, 440 men were killed by an intimate partner. Intimate partner homicides accounted for 30% of the murders of women and 5% percent of the murders of men.
    (Bureau of Justice Statistics Crime Data Brief, Intimate Partner Violence, 1993-2001, February 2003. Bureau of Justice Statistics, Intimate Partner Violence in the U.S. 1993-2004, 2006.)

    Most intimate partner homicides occur between spouses, though boyfriends/girlfriends have committed about the same number of homicides in recent years.
    (Bureau of Justice Statistics, Intimate Partner Violence in the U.S. 1993-2004, 2006.)

    http://www.dvrc-or.org/...

    "Compassion is not weakness, and concern for the unfortunate is not socialism." Hubert H. Humphrey

    by Onomastic on Mon Dec 03, 2012 at 01:39:15 PM PST

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    •  Haven't seen these numbers... (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      ebohlman

      numbers I have seen told a different story. This is my frustration with alot of the writing and even the research on these issues. I can't really trust any of it because the people behind it have agendas.

      You don't have to look very far to find folks who will insist that our system is horribly biased against men and that women are evil, manipulative wanna be amazons. And they've got plenty of data to go with their anecdotal horror stories of domestic dysfunction. But they're presenting a very slanted view of things.

      Likewise, I found this post troubling, as it assumes that no one cares about the victim because of hew sex. It seems much more likely to me that this is because she is not a professional athlete. When SNL star Phil Hartman was murdered by his wife, he was the focus of reporting because he was the celebrity, not her. It didn't matter who the victim was, it mattered who was famous. That doesn't paint a flattering picture of our society and it's priorities, by any means. But I just don't see the sexism you accuse in the reporting of this story.

      If this guy was nobody, and his girlfriend a famous athlete, and he had been murdered by her... who do you suppose we'd be hearing about right now? Like I said, I understand people are upset. But the "men are shit" slant isn't really productive or fair. DV isn't the fault of just one sex. It's a complex problem that is sometimes husband on wife, sometimes the other way around. Sometimes it's fathers, sometimes mothers. Sometimes it's both.

      I had experience with DV as a kid. I want it stopped. Making it about men vs. women is unhelpful. I disagree that the reporting is sexist. Classist yes. Sexist, no.

      You can do whatever you want to us, but we're not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America.

      by Eric Stratton on Mon Dec 03, 2012 at 01:56:16 PM PST

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      •  Where did your numbers come from? n/t (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        Onomastic

        "As the madmen play on words, and make us all dance to their song / to the tune of starving millions, to make a better kind of gun..." -- Iron Maiden

        by Lost Left Coaster on Mon Dec 03, 2012 at 02:25:47 PM PST

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        •  The internet, lol. (0+ / 0-)

          It was from a particular period of time. Don't know the methodology used.

          You can do whatever you want to us, but we're not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America.

          by Eric Stratton on Mon Dec 03, 2012 at 07:45:31 PM PST

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          •  Just curious (1+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            Eric Stratton

            I live in Canada and just saw the numbers for 2011 for this country. Out of 89 intimate partner homicides in 2011, for 76 the victims were women, for 13 the victims were men. Link here.

            "As the madmen play on words, and make us all dance to their song / to the tune of starving millions, to make a better kind of gun..." -- Iron Maiden

            by Lost Left Coaster on Tue Dec 04, 2012 at 09:11:17 AM PST

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            •  interesting ... (0+ / 0-)

              Women are 51% of the population yet are represented in congress by barely 17%! Until our representation reflects the population, we risk sliding backwards .....

              by 51percent on Tue Dec 04, 2012 at 12:04:23 PM PST

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            •  I wonder what happens... (0+ / 0-)

              if you expand that to cover all domestic relations? Not just intimate ones. Does violence by an estranged ex count? I would think they would include that but just wondering.

              You can do whatever you want to us, but we're not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America.

              by Eric Stratton on Tue Dec 04, 2012 at 02:48:57 PM PST

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              •  Eric, you make some interesting points. (0+ / 0-)

                Your memory of some statistics your read once doesn't hold up to the links others have posted.

                And doesn't hold up to my memory or the memory of anyone who pays attention to D.V. statistics.

                I agree with your angles on celebrity and the reality that women also abuse men (and same sex spouses abuse one another!)

                Because of the statistics this is a men vs. women issue. It sucks if you're a man who was a victim, but that doesn't change the numbers.

                Love the username and sig, BTW.

                "Jersey_Boy" was taken.

                by New Jersey Boy on Thu Dec 06, 2012 at 08:45:38 AM PST

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    •  The 'men's rights' movement... (4+ / 0-)

      The 'men's rights' movement is very active in making claims that men are just as often the victims of domestic violence as women. (Actually they generally say that they're more often victims, because 'manly men' underreport and of course women have no reason not to report and so on.)

      Their evidence is mostly from a few people with axes to grind who can't get their studies published in reputable journals, studies that SOUND like they support them when in fact they don't, and the occasional study with unexpected results, that often turn out to have been missing some confounding factor or just turn out to be one of the 5% of studies that just don't work right.

      But yeah, this is a common theme with them: they find ways to 'prove' that any women's problems that exist are really just as bad for men, so that they can argue against any protections for women. (Another example: apparently rape is just as frequent against men as it is against women! Except that that's only if you count prison rape. Which is horrible, don't get me wrong, but tackling it is utterly orthogonal to tackling the problem of rape outside of prisons, which is enormously, dramatically skewed towards female victims.)

      •  Fine. I am aware that they have an agenda. (0+ / 0-)

        But then the folks claiming the opposite also have an agenda. Let's not pretend that Duke Lacrosse never happened. The disparity in reporting is, to me, very obviously about celebrity and class. Not sex.

        DV is horrible. I lived through it personally. I feel very strongly that using it to advance agendas or "isms" is terribly unhelpful. I seriously doubt there a ton of folks out there saying that this women deserved to be killed or think the man's sex is what matters.

        The media is obsessed with class and status, as usual. That's a problem. But that's not the focus of the post. The focus is that no one cares about the victim because she's a woman. I find that to be an absurd suggestion. I mean, what was Natalie Hollaway about then? People generally care when young women get killed by men. Alot.

        You can do whatever you want to us, but we're not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America.

        by Eric Stratton on Mon Dec 03, 2012 at 02:04:36 PM PST

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        •  Here is the difference: (1+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          51percent

          Natalie Hollaway was white and Kasandra Perkins was not.

          Women of color disappear and/or are murdered every day.  Unfortunately the traditional media only care about the white blondes.

          "The fears of one class of men are not the measure of the rights of another." ~ George Bancroft (1800-1891)

          by JBL55 on Tue Dec 04, 2012 at 06:35:03 AM PST

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    •  Furthermore, last I read, women who kill their (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Onomastic, lotlizard

      abusers get much longer prison terms than men who kill their victims.

      I think the "logic" goes that the men didn't intend to kill their victims, just beat the shit out of them as usual.  Or that the victims "should have left" and "should have seen it coming."  I think, deep down, abusive men killing is just expected, and therefore not punished as harshly, no matter the words people mouth about it.  But when women kill their abusers, they've defied expectations, and need to be smacked down for it.  (Again.)

      © cai Visit 350.org to join the fight against global warming.

      by cai on Mon Dec 03, 2012 at 06:26:18 PM PST

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