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View Diary: A call-out to any friends I have here; come tell my wife why she should not divorce me. (60 comments)

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  •  I suggest that *you* talk to her, and tell her (38+ / 0-)

    what you're willing to do to change things, to address her concerns. Apologize for your part in this, whatever it was.

    Also, DO nice things for her. Now. Tomorrow. The day after that. Forever. Decide to say a compliment to her  at least 3 times a day. Put a rock in your pocket & transfer to other pocket when your nice words & deeds are done.

    Tell her what you love about her. Why you want to be with her. Ask her one thing she wants you to change. Then do it.

    More effective than what you asked for, by about a factor of a million.

    This health care system is a moral atrocity. Dr. Ralphdog

    by AllisonInSeattle on Thu Dec 06, 2012 at 12:53:48 AM PST

    •  i'll also add (10+ / 0-)

      that he tries. he makes mistakes, and he's honest about them, but he means well, and he tries. and that makes him a better person than most.

      The cold passion for truth hunts in no pack. -Robinson Jeffers

      by Laurence Lewis on Thu Dec 06, 2012 at 01:00:20 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  what AllisonInSeattle said. Times a TRILLION (6+ / 0-)
      you talk to her, and tell her what you're willing to do to change things, to address her concerns. Apologize for your part in this, whatever it was.

      Also, DO nice things for her. Now. Tomorrow. The day after that. Forever.

      Tell her what you love about her. Why you want to be with her.

      Ask her one thing she wants you to change. Then do it.

      "Politics is like driving. To go backward put it in R. To go forward put it in D."
      Four More Years! How sweet it is!!!

      by TrueBlueMajority on Thu Dec 06, 2012 at 08:13:14 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  My dear TrueBlue, I see you as a friend, (3+ / 0-)

        so I'll respond to you here,
        my first response after coming home.

        On the above items:

        you talk to her, and tell her what you're willing to do to change things, to address her concerns. Apologize for your part in this, whatever it was.  

        Ask her one thing she wants you to change. Then do it.  

         

        These two are two ways of saying I must do things differently.

        Tonia simply does not have any one thing
        she wants me to do differently.

        She gets very angry,
        and expresses that angry freely,
        at odd times,
        no way to tell what will set her off.

        I just now did
        the only thing I could think of
        to deal with that;
        First,
        a few hours ago,
        as I sat in the break room at work,
        I looked at her outbursts
        from her point of view;
        I realized,
        she's been through so much hell,
        she's been physically attacked so many times,
        something that's never happened to me,
        and she's been beaten down,
        emotionally,
        by the heavy burden
        of taking care of her dying mother,
        and her younger siblings,
        sometimes stealing socks and underwear
        for her little brothers,
        and a cart of food,
        to make a good Christmas for them.

        She feels that no one,
        not even me,
        is in a position
        to tell her to hold back,
        when something pisses her off.

        She's smart enough,
        and mature enough,
        that she takes her own judgement
        as a reasonable standard.

        I'm the same way.

        I told her all that,
        just a few minutes ago.

        I hope that counts,
        as talking to her,
        as changing something.

         Also, DO nice things for her. Now. Tomorrow. The day after that. Forever.  
         

        I literally wipe her ass for her,
        as I did for my first wife,
        Pam.

        As Tonia did for Pam,
        years ago,
        when your tax dollars
        paid Tonia
        about $9 per hour
        to take care of Pam.

        We are good at doing nice things
        for each other.

        We have the same priorities
        about what's important
        to do for each other.

        Which brings us to:  

        Tell her what you love about her. Why you want to be with her.  
         

        We have been doing that,
        nearly every day,
        in great detail,
        repeating,
        over and over,
        why we need each other,
        why anyone else either of us
        has had as lovers
        truly does not cut the mustard.

        We understand each other.

        So,
        you are right,
        we need to keep on doing
        more of what we've been doing.

        Thanks again.

        •  sounds like you are on the right track (2+ / 0-)

          arguments happen.  things get said.  even the happiest couples occasionally fight.

          i gather she is a strong woman and doesn't let other people tell her what to do.  she got that way because of the hard life she has led and all the other times she has had to be the strong one.

          just keep finding new ways to show her how much you love and need her.  not just the same old same old, even though you already do so much for each other.  surprises, even small ones, are very romantic.

          if you are still talking to each other then you are on the right track!

          "Politics is like driving. To go backward put it in R. To go forward put it in D."
          Four More Years! How sweet it is!!!

          by TrueBlueMajority on Fri Dec 07, 2012 at 09:24:37 AM PST

          [ Parent ]

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