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View Diary: The Postponement of Grief (55 comments)

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  •  I think that what you are doing... (18+ / 0-)

    ...writing about the object of your grief is an excellent thing to do, because it really does make the person, in this case your daughter, alive again.

    Grief is an odd thing; it comes in the oddest places and I wouldn't imagine that there is any good or perfect way to deal with it; but when feeling it, I try to remember that it exists as a form of love, as you cannot mourn that which you do not love, and that love must always be painful and is thus magnificent because it is the pain that we seek to be willing to endure.

    That may sound trite; I don't know.  

    For many years, I found myself repeating these lines from Gilbran's The Prophet, which seemed to help.

    But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure, Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor, Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
    I cannot really imagine the pain of losing a child but I would hope that you always know that your daughter is always living within you, no matter how many times she seems to die, and as such, you are more fortunate than you may know.   You have been blessed to weep all of your tears.

    I wish I could say something more helpful.

    May you have peace.

    •  something helpful (13+ / 0-)

      Thinking of grief as a form of love is as powerful as it is true.

      Sometimes I let myself imagine that Ash has just gone off like children go off - into her own adult life. And I think about how I would still grieve her everyday presence if that were true.

      Your quote from The Prophet is beautiful and I've copied it out to post on the wall above my desk. Thank you for that.

      "All politics is personal"

      by laurustina on Mon Dec 10, 2012 at 05:39:46 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  I think the expression of grief ... (7+ / 0-)

        is a form of love, or more likely partially a natural reaction to the loss of it being reciprocated, but I realized at some point after my brother's suicide that he would definitely not have wanted me to remain in so much pain forever.  I sometimes have conversations with him in my mind, and I remember once telling him I knew he'd understand that I was going to now have to sometimes mentally change the subject when I found myself thinking obsessively about his departure so as to be able to not be miserable all the time.  Other than that, the main thing I did when I found myself thinking about it excessively was to FORCE myself to concentrate on what was being said on TV, usually the Science Channel.  Just learning to think about other things over time helped me bridge from grief to more normalcy.  I'll never forget him or what he meant to me, but I've had to accept that the situation is what it is and there's nothing I'll ever be able to do to change things.  Hopefully, he and I will meet up again someday, at which point I definitely have a few things to say to him face-to-face.

        "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity, and I am not sure about the universe." -- Albert Einstein

        by Neuroptimalian on Mon Dec 10, 2012 at 08:30:31 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

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