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View Diary: I Was Raped: Figuring Out What Happened and Why It Felt Wrong (*TRIGGER WARNING*) (76 comments)

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  •  She got drunk, (5+ / 2-)

    she went to his apartment, they had drunken sex, but since she as more drunk than he, that means that she was raped? Because she was into him, but he wasn't into her, that means that she was raped? By this definition, a significant portion of our population, whether man or woman, has committed rape at one time or another.

    Assuming the writer's description of events is accurate, she was not raped. Actually, in this instance, I feel sorry for the guy on the receiving end of the false accusation and vitriol associated with it (whether he knows about it or not).

    This story is outrageous. The outrage is that she wrote it.

    •  By this definition... (0+ / 0-)

      Exactly the point.

      Poverty = politics.

      by Renee on Fri Dec 21, 2012 at 02:57:12 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  asdf (8+ / 0-)
      In my case, I was never even asked for any kind of consent, anyhow, never asked if I was certain I wanted to be doing this, if I was feeling okay, if I was clear-headed enough to make this decision.
      As I understand it, neglecting to say "no" isn't anywhere close to saying "yes" whether that negligence is from being intoxicated or otherwise impaired, or from not having been asked, or for any other reason, such as an explicit or implied threat of violence or some other adverse consequence (for example, giving in to the advances of one's supervisor or someone else with authority who could inflict non-physical harm).

      The situation is a bit ambiguous but it seems to me at the the very least the man in question failed to behave responsibly.

      •  Whether or not the man behaved responsibly (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        Sparhawk

        is another discussion. But by her telling of events, he did not rape her. And suggesting that he did is irresponsible.

        •  Not irresponsible, reprehensible (5+ / 0-)

          Rape is a class 1 felony. It is not something to fling at a man lightly.

          This is rape:

          1) Being penetrated orally, vaginally and/or anally against your will. Doesn't necessarily have to be a penis, the penetrating object can also be fingers, tongue, instruments... anything, really

          2) Being penetrated orally, vaginally, and/or anally while not in a position to object (for example, being unconscious, being drugged, being mentally handicapped, etc.)

          3) Being penetrated orally, vaginally, and/or anally while under threat (for example, having a gun to your head or being told "If you don't do this you're going to lose your job,")

          4) Being penetrated orally, vaginally, and/or anally while under the legal age for your state (though most states waive statutory rape accusations if the situation was clearly consensual and the minor's sexual partner's age was within five years of the minor's age)

          Frankly, I find diaries like this disgusting There are many women out there who HAVE been raped and are too scared to come forward because they think they'll be accused of bringing it on themselves. This diary only hurts these women by essentially saying to the public at large: "Yeah, most women who say they've been raped actually are just whining about nothing."

          Meanwhile GOP congressmen are trying to restrict the definitions of rape even further to try and deprive women of the help they need. No doubt diaries like these will only help their efforts of portraying rape victims as idiots who are probably just pissed that the guy didn't call them afterwards.

          My advice to this diarist: Please get help as to why you are calling this very much NON-rape experience "rape." What are you actually upset about?

          Oh, and please stay away from this guy and his family. Do not destroy his career and life by flinging this disgusting, untrue accusation in his face.

          If you continue with this fiction of being raped, your actions will be beyond execrable and you will have proven yourself to be not so much a victim as a complete turd of a human being.

      •  that to me seems to be an incredibly fine line (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        kyril

        to draw and one that is whether unfair, the guy undoubtedly used her for sex assuming this is an accurate accounting  but at the same time she doesn't seem to have given any indication that this was not what she wanted.

        Personally I'm uncomfortable with rape being something someone has to prove they didn't do rather then the other way around.

        The exact issue the writer doesnt' want to address (consent and drinking) is at the heart of the issue.

    •  This diary... (4+ / 0-)

      ...promotes misinformation and tells people incorrect information about what constitutes rape, probably encouraging false accusations from people who have muddled ideas about the matter.

      Diaries like this one are very frustrating because people who seek to correct the record tend to be shouted down as misogynist trolls. People will argue (as commenters in this very thread have) that their own pet definition for the term takes precedence over the real (legal) one.

      (-5.50,-6.67): Left Libertarian
      Leadership doesn't mean taking a straw poll and then just throwing up your hands. -Jyrinx

      by Sparhawk on Fri Dec 21, 2012 at 04:16:47 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  asdf (3+ / 0-)

      "Because she was into him, but he wasn't into her, that means that she was raped? "

      no

      She didn't say that was part of why it was rape. She was telling a narrative in the order of how it happened after the event.

      She was incapacitated...so drunk she was puking. He was tipsy

      one thing is true. If you are so drunk that you are sick, maybe you don't realize how drunk the guy is. Maybe he was equally drunk enough that he could not tell she was incapacitated.

      if he was not incapacitated in saw she was sick drunk then he took advantage of her. He was a friend. First time sex. He didn't even CHECK to be sure it was ok with her...and she was sick drunk. So maybe he was hoping to get away with it...if he asked maybe she'd have said no?

      •  um, I've had a single drink (0+ / 0-)

        then threw up because of the taste or whatever (I really don't know)

        If she was so drunk she was near comotose or passed out I'd agree but throwing up doesn't inherently make someone able or unable to give consent.

        Don't get me wrong, he should have asked if this is what she wanted but nothing in the account suggests her judgement was too impaired to unable say no.

    •  She didn't feel like she was raped (4+ / 0-)

      until he rejected a relationship with her.  I guess I'd feel really bad myself, and I'd feel like he used me, but I doubt that I'd refer to the sex part of it as rape.


      The religious fanatics didn't buy the republican party because it was virtuous, they bought it because it was for sale

      by nupstateny on Fri Dec 21, 2012 at 05:31:15 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  She was probably drugged (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      207wickedgood, CA wildwoman

      She was mindful of how much she could drink and keep her faculties; she responsibly drank within those limits and yet ended up sick and then ended up having sex with a man she had no intention of sleeping with...

      This happens far too frequently...and far too frequently people like you bring this poutrage like you are being maligned...what's the matter...her posting this make it harder for you to use this same method to have sex with women?

      Fear doesn't just breed incomprehension. It also breeds a spiteful, resentful hate of anyone and everyone who is in any way different from you.

      by awesumtenor on Fri Dec 21, 2012 at 05:53:34 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

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