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View Diary: I Was Raped: Figuring Out What Happened and Why It Felt Wrong (*TRIGGER WARNING*) (76 comments)

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  •  Oh, come on (7+ / 0-)

    All it takes is a quick "Are you sure you want to do this?" before you cross the invisible line between 'fooling around' and 'sex'.

    And that's a good question to ask anyway regardless of the potential partner's possible level of intoxication - make sure they're not feeling pressured by giving them an explicit out.

    "Let’s just move on, treat everybody with firmness, fairness, dignity, compassion and respect. Let’s be Marines." - Sgt. Maj Michael Barrett on DADT repeal

    by kyril on Fri Dec 21, 2012 at 05:31:29 PM PST

    [ Parent ]

    •  And who's responsilbility is it to do that? (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      cjo30080, duhban, Sparhawk

      Especially when both are admittedly impaired?
      The one who doesn't vomit? the one who vomits the least?
      Or always the man?
      What you are saying is certainly nice but is also not legally required at all and may or may not happen millions of times a day.

      Did he rape her? I'll use her own wordss to answer:

      He -- perhaps slightly tipsy, but in full possession of his faculties -- comforted me. And a short time later, we were having sex.
      Your best bet is never to go to bed with a drunk when youre drunk because you are--wait for it---impaired, and so is the partner and God knows what will happen.

      Happy just to be alive

      by exlrrp on Fri Dec 21, 2012 at 06:07:18 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  Both parties' responsibility (0+ / 0-)

        If the question is never asked, either or both parties may wake up feeling like the diarist did.

        (As a rule of thumb, the person who's most likely to feel like they didn't consent is the one taking a physically 'passive' role - being kissed, being fondled, being ridden. It's hard to feel like, as the diarist phrased it, things are being 'done to' you if you're the one doing the things, unless of course you're doing them under threat or coercion. So the person who has the strongest moral imperative to make sure the question gets asked is the one who's doing/considering doing the kissing, fondling, or riding.)

        "Let’s just move on, treat everybody with firmness, fairness, dignity, compassion and respect. Let’s be Marines." - Sgt. Maj Michael Barrett on DADT repeal

        by kyril on Sat Dec 22, 2012 at 10:36:10 AM PST

        [ Parent ]

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