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View Diary: The Five Biggest Regrets of the Dying (258 comments)

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  •  that i didn't (7+ / 0-)

    ever travel to Egypt, a dream since childhood, and have only ever seen the pyramids and the Sphinx in photos.  (too expensive, though if i added up all the money i've thrown away on trivia, an entire lifetime's accounting, i'm pretty sure it would have been more than enough.)

    that i resisted people who were friendly and kind (with the thought that i didn't want to get too close and then leave them with any kind of regret when i was gone abruptly).  that i didn't call back or send an email, and thought i was sparing you from my doom and gloom; that you had your own problems and didn't need to know about mine; that i believed you'd know, even if i didn't tell you, because i was positive it was obvious, and equally positive that you were only being nice out of pity or misguided obligation.

    that i somehow never entirely overcame being very hurt by people online, whom i'd never met, and had no real interest in meeting, but their opinions and whispers and snubs were hurtful, and shouldn't have mattered for a nanosecond. (it was who? um, that username was last seen in 2007.  you actually cried over something that long-ago persona said of you.  being online isn't perpetual junior high school, unless you want to go on re-enacting Heathers in your thirties.)  

    that it took almost all of my life to not feel ashamed of "dabbling" . . . . not finishing things, but going wherever my interests led me, and feeling like a failure when i lost interest or fell behind in one field of study or interest because i was all caught up in something new and different.  i couldn't just tell you straight-up my concentration and attention span are horrible.  i'm freaking out about losing time, and don't know how to cope with it. (really, Avila? and? so? you were not exactly married to writing about rendition and torture, correct?  when it accomplished nothing and catapulted you into an abyss of depression, and no one even read it, then beating yourself up makes everything all better.  or maybe you could stop the self-loathing for a few minutes and turn your energies to some productive effort?)

    that i wasted so much time, and so many silly tears over not being able to have children, and felt so horribly inadequate that i couldn't do this very simple thing  . . . . and then was blessed (sometimes a little too much, haha) with four beautiful, precious, extraordinary (adopted) little ones.

    that i was a world class secret sulker in my misspent youth, and pretended everything was just fine, just wonderful, when in reality, i was mad as hell, and had good reason to be, and should have said so, instead of internalizing the anger, which i realized (much later) only made me sad and bitter.  

    that it was perfectly fine, and no apology was necessary, for me to be a self-isolating bookworm and geek girl.  i don't know how to be cool or act blase.  i didn't know for many years that being exactly who you are is nothing to be sorry for or ashamed of.  all that self-loathing accomplishes is . . . . nothing.  your family and friends already know you and accept you as you are.  the people who don't were never so inclined.  the myth of universal approval is only that, mito, an ever-after story that has absolutely no basis in reality.

    Yes, we need to talk about this. Please sign the dKos Petition to start a national conversation about gun control.

    by Avila on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 02:04:43 PM PST

    •  Travel is a big one for me too (3+ / 0-)

      But I bet there's a reason it's not on that top 5 list. You lived and saw the amazing reality of life on planet Earth no matter where you were born, live, and will eventually die. This simple fact dwarfs all the things you might miss out on, though the things, places, and people you will never know is infinite. We might look back with pride and think "I got to see the Beatles play" or "I got to see Venice" or "I got to know my wife." All that really matters is you got to see and know life.

      The opposite of life is not death, but indifference. -- Jaki Gefjon (A.A.Attanasio)

      by Max Wyvern on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 02:16:43 PM PST

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