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View Diary: The Five Biggest Regrets of the Dying (258 comments)

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  •  I might regret.... (0+ / 0-)

    .....not having any regrets, other than the upset to a few people who know me well.

    I won't have any regrets because I can't really conceive of what I might be missing. Due to an inherited wiring quirk, my brain simply doesn't register pleasure at accomplishments. Rites of passage like graduation ceremonies inspire, if anything, a feeling of repugnance and I've never attended one of my own. I literally couldn't; it would make me physically ill. I used to consider what might be called the standard explanation for such feelings, the one that assumes depression leading to a strong feeling of self-contempt and unworth. But that isn't it. I generally know when I've done good work and what, in an objective sense, it's worth. I just don't have any feelings over it and don't really understand why anyone does. It needed to be done; it was done; end of story. I don't feel unworthy, just indifferent.

    I can be a perfectionist and do good work, but the most I'll feel afterward will be the sort of grim satisfaction one gets from finally swatting a particularly annoying mosquito. Some of my best work has been anonymous, as an editor or rewriter, and I've found I'm indifferent to others taking credit for it. It's just puzzling to me why they would want the credit so badly that a few have stolen it. Hell, if they'd asked, I would have given it to them.

    So I might regret having never been able to figure out what you others are regretting. Apart from that, my objection to death would be the utterly banal ones that it seems very boring and I hate major changes of any sort.

    "They smash your face in, and say you were always ugly." (Solzhenitsyn)

    by sagesource on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 07:11:28 PM PST

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