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View Diary: Civility Starts With Each and Every One of Us (128 comments)

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  •  Civility is hard... (8+ / 0-)

    especially in the blogosphere.  I often struggle with it. It is difficult to see humanity in a screen name.  It is much easier to lash out. I guess it's the physical detachment.

    Someone at another site once told me I should kill myself.  I can't remember how many people uprated it.  No one downrated it.  People reading this may be shocked by it.  Most will think they are not capable of such a thing.  Most of them are probably wrong.  The rest are probably wondering what I did to deserve it.

    •  I am sorry you had to experience being told such (7+ / 0-)

      an awful thing.

      I don't have any difficulty knowing the person who writes on a blog is a living person, with feelings.

      While diplomacy has never been my strong suit, I do try. I used to blurt out things in my youth but never on a blog, fortunately. Mostly because they didn't exist in my youth.

      I've worked on trying not to hurt people's feelings, though, and most of the time I succeed. I have fallen just like others. But I'm working on it. Just work on recognizing each post is only possible because a real human being is the source of every post.

    •  Your experience is not uncommon (4+ / 0-)

      many people have reported feeling dehumanized online. I am truly sorry to hear you had such an awful interaction.

      So what can we do, as posters, to work on that?

      Just like bullying happens, but last year, people got serious talking about ending it, we need to start taking ownership over how we communicate with human beings online by reminding people that we're all people -- human beings.

      Sometimes, if someone's saying something really over the top to you, you can make a simple, non-angry statement like "I am a human being on the other side of this screen, and the words you are typing into your computer cause me to feel a lot of pain, and I want you to understand that. Do you understand that the words you are typing hurt me? If you do, and if you know that I'm a person, just like you, then why do you continue speaking to me like I'm not a human being? That seems to be something you need to get past."

      That kind of thing.

      I'm a war-torn old gal from the usenet era and also ICQ/IRC and as regular of a poster now as I was back then. I remember when I was on 28K dial up. I remember dealing with people who are now legends in the Encylopedia Dramatica, and actually meeting one of them, what a weird experience.

      It is about humanization and how we can do that. Sometimes, I think we should all have a "video" day where we get to know one another by posting diaries of ourselves speaking a diary to try to restore that human element and experience here. I think that would be profound, personally.

      Click the ♥ to join us on the Black Kos front porch to review news & views written from a black pov - everyone is welcome.

      by mahakali overdrive on Fri Jan 04, 2013 at 09:38:10 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  I think it is often a communication problem. (4+ / 0-)

        When people disagree there is often a tendency to assume the worst of each other and to take the most negative interpretation of every comment.  I've been on both sides of that.

        Written discourse is difficult because you don't have the benefit of tone, voice inflection, facial expression or body language. It would be interesting to see what would happen if everyone took every comment in the most positive light.  Easier said than done, I suppose.

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