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View Diary: Just Say Her Name (90 comments)

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  •  it can hard to know what people need in their (23+ / 0-)

    own grieving process. different things serve different people.

    are you able to tell your family and friends that you need to hear her name and speak about her?

    if so, how do they respond?

    can you ask them to express their concerns about doing so, if they are reluctant? perhaps you can help address their concerns and find a way to gently enter the realm of talking about her. maybe create a space with a time limitation, in the beginning, where everyone can safely walk away from without feeling shamed or that they're disappointing you, if they are struggling with the intensity of it.

    there must be a way for you to get your needs met. You aren't asking people to slit their wrists for you, after all.

    my heart goes out to you and your need to keep the reality of Kelly in your life. She died. She didn't never exist. It seems healthy to me that you don't want to have to act as if she didn't. It's like having a black hole in your life. What the hell was your life for those 21 years if she didn't exist? So, by not talking about her, they are not talking about you, either. They're erasing your life, as well.

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