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View Diary: NO! Pandering to the Rape Culture. (264 comments)

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  •  I did something similar to a doctor (21+ / 0-)

    not long after I graduated 35 years ago. However I've been told it would be considered unacceptable now. Even though mine was a hind brain fight reaction.

    I had always warned my boyfriends that having been tickled til I couldn't breathe by an older sister when I was very young, it had become a major fight trigger. My fist was coming away from his solar plexus while I heard the air coming out of his mouth before I knew what I had done.

    He kept walking and never said a word to me. It was the one and only time anyone in that hospital touched me inappropriately...

    "People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed; never throw out anyone. " Audrey Hepburn "A Beautiful Woman"

    by Ginny in CO on Tue Jan 08, 2013 at 12:53:31 PM PST

    [ Parent ]

    •  Wait, what would be unacceptable now? (4+ / 0-)

      His groping you or you reacting appropriately to the assault?

      And believe me, if he groped you, that is indeed assault.

      •  I was told that my hitting him in response (3+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        LSophia, sethtriggs, James Kresnik

        could be considered assault....   Doesn't make sense to me - but it was from a very intelligent young woman who is still in support for a childhood sexual assault 21 years ago, which includes being up to date on the laws, etc. I still think it was a completely appropriate response to being tickled - even if the area of my chest was not the usual spot that gets groped.  The legal issue is apparently murky - which seems to be the purpose of law much of the time.

        "People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed; never throw out anyone. " Audrey Hepburn "A Beautiful Woman"

        by Ginny in CO on Tue Jan 08, 2013 at 03:49:35 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

        •  The Man is Always Right. You forgot THAT law. (4+ / 0-)

          You touch him without consent, you've committed assault.

          He touches you without consent, oh well you were cute and he couldn't help himself.

          He fights back, it's self-defense.

          You fight back, you're a troublemaker. (Or "Overreacting" or "Making a big fuss over nothing.")

          He shoots you dead for cheating on him, it's understandable and the poor guy gets a few months of probation.

          You shoot him dead for a decade of abuse, Murder One.

          •  Time, situation, cultural and legal changes (2+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            oakborn, madhaus

            can shift the outcomes. I had developed two subtle habits to discourage the guys who chose to ignore the wedding ring:  talk every so often about my hubby very happily and never wear anything but pants to work. I had changed hospitals after I graduated, so he was one of the bunch of new interns and residents I didn't know.

            A different guy might have decided to make an issue, push his MD status on a new grad nurse. I think he was smart enough to realize what seemed an innocent prank was stupid and he was probably relieved I didn't do anything but turn back to the med cart and the cup of pills I was preparing.

            I had a rather bizarre education the summer I was 12 staying with my grandparents because we were moving. She told my sister and I that we should tell any boy we started dating that he would never have more than one chance to hit. And if any guy ever did hit us, to leave and NEVER go back because he would never stop, no matter the promises. She didn't share how she learned that, but it was clear some experience was behind it.

            My grandfather cornered me in the basement one afternoon and was trying to sweet talk me into something I didn't get for sure (retrospectively, oral sex - which would have been the intro) but I ran off because some cousins were waiting outside to play and the perfect excuse to get away. I was careful to be aware of where he was the rest of the summer.

            Between the two of them and my own plans for college and career, I developed some fairly effective ways to discourage guys. # 1 Intelligent women are intimidating to guys looking to trick/overpower a girl. #2 Sports make you as strong as a lot of them. Running especially gives you an idea of being able to get away - when you pass them on the practice track with ease.

            Unfortunately too many girls are not raised to be as independent now as we were in the 50's - 70's. They are much more snared into the fashion, makeup, popularity crap than we were - as bad as it was then. The drugs and booze are much more prevalent. Sex education is abstinence only - in junior high not 5th grade, while casual sex is starting younger and younger.

            "People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed; never throw out anyone. " Audrey Hepburn "A Beautiful Woman"

            by Ginny in CO on Wed Jan 09, 2013 at 02:27:42 AM PST

            [ Parent ]

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