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View Diary: Male to Female in 3 Years: A Video (123 comments)

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  •  Thank you for your help. (0+ / 0-)

    It does strike me as odd, a bit, to talk about someone at 15 as being a gender they did not claim until 25.  If I thought of John as Jane because that's how he was presenting when we were kids, and no inkling otherwise, then to my experience, he was a girl... even if that wasn't his experience.  At first blush it seems... almost dishonest?... for me to call him John when describing times when he was presenting as Jane.

    But, if it is more supportive and trans-positive to do a search and replace on names, I am willing to do that.  (Although I am likely to forget sometimes.)

    If you can't come up with a plausible, truthful explanation for how John came to play Juliet or Jane was the star runningback, just leave that out and speak in generalities.

    I was more thinking about someone who didn't know John (and hadn't known Jane), and therefore had no possibility of a negative response affecting John.  But I suppose I could just say, "The kid who played Juliet" (where did the extra t and e come from??), and let the audience draw their own conclusion.

    © cai Visit to join the fight against global warming.

    by cai on Wed Jan 09, 2013 at 09:05:12 PM PST

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    •  Well, the problem is (1+ / 0-)
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      that if you tell that story to someone who hasn't met John, it's still likely to stick in their minds (especially if you have the follow-up discussion about how John came to play Juliet). And then if they meet John, who looks like he could plausibly be trans, they're quite likely to make the mental connection and ask "Is it that John?" - and then John is outed to someone he doesn't even know. And this dynamic can even happen cross-country over things like Facebook.

      So if you want, as part of some bigger story, to specify details about John's past as a girl to someone who doesn't know John as a man, then you're probably better off talking about him as "Jane" and "her."

      If you're talking specifically about John to someone who knows him casually and relatively recently, or to someone who doesn't know him, you should almost certainly stick to "John" and "him" and avoid details that might out him.

      And if you're talking to a long-term mutual friend who has also known John in both probably doesn't matter all that much, although I personally would prefer that everybody stick with my preferred gender and name.

      "Let’s just move on, treat everybody with firmness, fairness, dignity, compassion and respect. Let’s be Marines." - Sgt. Maj Michael Barrett on DADT repeal

      by kyril on Wed Jan 09, 2013 at 09:20:34 PM PST

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      •  I hadn't thought of that, of the person going on (1+ / 0-)
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        to meet John.  Good point.

        Or, I could do what I did in this post -- use pseudonyms.  :)

        And I certainly want to do what people prefer in regards to their names.

        © cai Visit to join the fight against global warming.

        by cai on Wed Jan 09, 2013 at 09:32:32 PM PST

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