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View Diary: If you don't have kids you have no value to society (301 comments)

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  •  It depends on who you are. (33+ / 0-)

    Some of us know we would not be fulfilled by having kids, or would not be good parents, or would resent the kid, and so we don't.  

    I think it's easy for society to look at women (not men, because men, hey, footloose and fancy free, go bro!) without kids and assign regrets to them.  Which, many may have.  But many women who have kids have regrets too.  It's harder for them to say that, though, because they love their children.  More than that, they're culturally required to love having children, even if the endless, endless, endless work and care and expense and worry wears them down, even if the love comes at the expense of other dreams and even their senses of self.  But some do bitterly regret having kids.

    I think parenthood is very hard, very important work, and I know I'm not up to it nor interested in it.

    © cai Visit to join the fight against global warming.

    by cai on Sat Jan 12, 2013 at 08:39:16 PM PST

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    •  wish I could rec this a million times n/t (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      cai, lorzie, Aug6PDB
    •  Great comment. (9+ / 0-)

      You perfectly articulated how I feel.  

      I had a tubal ligation in my 30s, because I knew I didn't want kids, and I didn't want to keep worrying about birth control.  A few people said, "What if you change your mind?"  That's a risk I was willing to take, because what if I'd had kids and then regretted THAT decision?  

      I'm 50, and except for what I call 'Polaroid Moments' around the holidays, I'm still relieved I don't have children.

    •  men without children (4+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      marina, 6ZONite, averybird, Aug6PDB

      are also sometimes viewed as selfish and irresponsible, although the most direct criticism I've gotten of this sort has been from men from certain culturally conservative, ethnic minority cultures.

      "I have more than two prablems" - The Coach Z

      by AaronInSanDiego on Sun Jan 13, 2013 at 12:14:27 AM PST

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    •  Well said, for some people kids are a great (4+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      6ZONite, averybird, Aug6PDB, kareylou

      experience and for others it is an endless source of frustration and pain which they discover when it is too late.  Raising children has become an all consuming experience which I do not remember when I was growing up.  I grew up in a working class neighborhood and women worked and kids helped their parents.  They did chores as soon as they were able.  Today working class parents raise their children in the way the wealthy raise their children.  They expect to be waited on hand and foot until they leave the house.  It makes an impossibly difficult situation for parents.  I am not sure how we got here but I see it all over the place,  exhausted parents and whiny, demanding kids.

      •  Well... (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:

        "Today working class parents raise their children in the way the wealthy raise their children.  They expect to be waited on hand and foot until they leave the house."

        That's how we got here.  Because parents allowed it.  Because PARENTS made it that way.

        That's why I refuse to watch shows like Supernanny (gag!).  I can't understand how anyone can watch that dreck...people who absolutely have NO interest in disciplining their kids, then years later when they're rolling around the house crying all the time and don't listen or do any work, they throw up their hands and go "Oh my goodness!  WHY are my kids like this??"

        •  Let's be a little fair about this, kids are like (0+ / 0-)

          everyone else in this country, we all know our RIGHTS but no one knows or accepts their responsibilities.  The system has helped create this situation. all the advice about how to raise a SUCCESSFUL child has been just plain WRONG, everyone WINS, never say NO, be your childs FRIEND.  The number one thing that kids need to learn is that their parents are not their friend, they are your parents, they love you but doing was they ask of you is part of the deal and not doing what they ask will be a BIG problem for you.  The schools add to this, kids can refuse to do the work until they reach a state where a MASSIVE failure is inevitable and then it it parents that have to pick up the pieces.  I think we have all been somewhat complicit and now we have young adults who by circumstance(the Great Recession) and design(the culture of YES) are stuck in time as adolescents.

    •  My youngest will graduate (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      kareylou, Flying Goat

      High school in 4.5 years and I CANNOT wait. I have to keep it to myself, though, or qualify it with "I love my children to death" (because someone will think I don't?). Yes, dreams on hold for 20 years, rock on, Nancy Pelosi!

    •  I hate being a mom thread (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Ice Blue
      One confession spawned a thread that is going strong for at least a year.

      "I have to go... There are two gay men knocking on my door asking me if I need any abortions or marijuana. Diary, this may be my last entry" Facebook hysteria after 2012 election

      by pitbullgirl65 on Sun Jan 13, 2013 at 06:45:09 AM PST

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